No Justice, No Peace

When the "not guilty" verdict came down on Friday April 25th in the Sean Bell case, I was shocked but not really. Aquitted on all charges, I knew my black people would be tight about it, and rightfully so. I myself was saddened because yet another gross miscarriage of justice was served...on a platter.

The front page HED of Saturday's New York Times read Judge Acquits Detectives in 50-Shot Killing of Bell, and the DEK, Fatally Flawed Police Work, but Not Criminal. I didn't follow the nuances of the case on the day to day, but I knew the basics. I immediately called my Uncle Clifford. Both he and Pops were detectives. Pop with the Manhattan District Attorney's office and Uncle Cliffy most recently with the Queens D.A. I felt compelled to figure out why there is such a disparity between the men and women that are called to protect and serve and the black community. Beyond that, the 50 shots that were blasted off from the cops gun that killed Bell, left nothing to the imagination as far as "guilt" was concerned.

My Uncle said that Judge Cooperman was going to rule on the law and not emotion. So when I read part of Cooperman's decision in The NYT, "the officers responded to perceived criminal conduct; the unfortunate consequences of their conduct were tragic...Questions of carelessness and incompetence must be left to other forums..." Uncle Cliff was right, there was no emotion in the statement. Rather than calling the shooting justified, the judge said that the prosecution failed to prove it was unjustified, which was its burden. Ironically enough, the defendants decided against a trial by jury. How that choice was exercised and ultimately executed, I'm not sure... But for 50 shots to get fired, with 31 coming from Detective Michael Oliver, and for no one (Detectives Marc Cooper or Gescard Isnora) to get convicted with anything, seems a lil suspect...to a lot of people.

Clearly there was an outcry. Rightfully so. What I'm trying to understand is how this could happen and seemingly delve into how it positions the police in the eyes of the public. I usually take a somewhat apathetic stance when it comes to the police. With Pop being a cop I tend to find myself falling back into a mindset like "my Pop wouldn't have handled it like that." But talking to Uncle Cliff gave me some perspective. Absolutely there are always going to be some rotten apples in any bunch, but sometimes in those split second moments, cops spazz. They are human too. They put their life on the line everyday, and not that it should be an us against them mentality, but it can go down like that unfortunately.

All that to say...I'm praying for Nicole and her kids in the same way I'm praying for those officers. Their careers are smashed as they knew it, but really I pray that in their hearts they can forgive themselves for what happened. Healing is required on all fronts to move on, and it won't be easy, but it is necessary. I look forward to the day when we fear doesn't completely rule us in our psyche. I look forward to black men not being viewed as suspicious and targets while they do their thing on the day to day. I look forward to the day when justice and peace walk hand in hand...

Daddy's Little Girl

As a writer I take a lot of pride in listening to peoples stories. I can't front like I don't have some of my own, but when writer/authors Joan Morgan and Mitzi Miller called me to write a photo essay for this magazine they were working with, I knew I had to take the assignment. Our collective history together is long, and quietly deserves its own blog. I love how 6 degrees of separation is really like 2 or 3. Anyhoo, Sports and Entertainment Today Magazine (SET) is a new sports/lifestyle mag created by Danisha Rolle. All I know is, JM made contact and MM gave me the assignment - interview athletes and their mothers about their relationship. WHOA!

They say their is something special about that bond between mothers and sons. I've witnessed it myself with my said boyfriends and their mothers. I see it with my sister and my nephew, but I could never quite pinpoint what that thing was. I can't front like I'm heavy in the sports game either these days, but once I spoke to my five star, stunna football and b-ball players and their moms I was so inspired. I've been without my mom for almost 15 years now, so I anticipated I would be hella sappy about the whole endeavor. Quiet as it is kept, it got me to thinking about a few things. One, the blessing they have with their moms being present in their adulthood. Two, I was T.R.O.Ying my mom missing her, but thankful for the time we spent. And three, I started really getting a hardy laugh on that special bond between father and daughters.

I had to pause and scan the mental rolodex about me and my DUDE. He too went to his final resting place 10 years ago this year, but man we had some special connection that I really hadn't thought about for a good long while.

Gettin our dance on in Harlem

High School Graduation

Pop was always focused

My Pop was a man's man. Really stern, super funny and very straight no chaser. I had spent two weeks talking to these superstars and their moms about funny times and serious moments and it took me to a place where I started thinking about some of my own. Like how my Dad always did the food shopping and relied on me for the coupon cutting...especially when it was time to purchase those "monthly" utilities. I was embarrassed to make the purchase, so he always made it for me.

Always a little shy mixed with a little boldness, when I came home from a date with David in high school and Pop opened his bedroom door and saw us watching TV with our faces pressed together, I got called into the kitchen for a little talking to. I wonder if he ever knew about my visitors during the summer when mom was in the hospital and he was working weekends? I know he wasn't pleased when BK, Reggie and Rashid called after 12a asking to speak with me. "Dad, they're different." "Yea, I'll bet," was his response. "Tell them to call before your time or they don't have to call at all."

I was tickled a very bright pink when I recalled my first time I headed to the GYN for an appointment at 17. Who took me? Dad! Who was my doctor? The doctor that delivered me, Dr. Antonio Cavalli. Little did I know then that Dr. Cavalli was the "family doctor." I never recalled him looking super old, but I later found out he also delivered my mom and clearly was my grandma's GYN at that time. Pop made the appointment and waited in the lounge for me to go in and out. "Everything ok?" "Yes!" "Nuff said." Crazy!

I smirked when my pop called me out in college about the pictures he saw from a game called "smarties." You know those tastie candies that are as good as Pez. Well, always the photographer, I had Pop send me some photos I left at home on a weekend I visited. "Dad, could you pick these up from the shop and send them to me?" When I received the flicks in the mail, my Detective father kindly attached a note, "I understand you are a young woman now, but I don't send you to school to play these games. Love, Dad." I was always careful to eliminate evidence to incriminate myself, but clearly he deduced I was the someone who had to be taking the pics since it was on my camera!

Let's not even discuss how Pop shut me down with the silent treatment for a week when he picked me up from the airport on a weekend trip to Atlanta to visit my BFF Marc at the tender age of 19. "Hey Dad, we got tattoos," as I roll up my left arm sleeve and show him my branded, symbolic lady playing a G-clef...All to bear witness for my deep love of music and my commitment to the music business. His response, "what happens when you get older and you stop liking it?" My retort, "I won't." His response, silence!

Had to love it when at 16 I was pretty well developed physically, young in the face, but the body had a few grown men stuck on stupid! Pop and Uncle Raymond managed to get me and my Harlem School of the Arts homie LaToya, backstage passes to the hottest ticket in town, the Budwiser Superfest, where my fav BBD was performing along with After 7, Troop and Keith Sweat. I was my own paparazzi and my father couldn't care less...until someone gave me and my homegirl LaToya passes to Kilamanjaro's for the after party the next night. I must have BEGGED my folks to go. All I recall is my mom dressing me up and throwing some make up on as we headed to the club that night. My mom was my chaperon and I saw pop finagle with the bouncer outside, flash his badge and me, Latoya and our mom's were in the spot. I went to my first club with my mom, and my Dad was waiting outside in the car... When I look at the flicks from that night with me and Ronnie Devoe, D-Nice and LL Cool J, it's hella crazy how it went down.

I cringe at the time I met my pops new boo after my mom died. I was home from college for my Uncle Raymond's wedding. We were on our way, so I thought, when Pop said he had to make a stop to pick up his "girlfriend." I was fit to be tied. Tight couldn't even describe it. I swore I had asked my Pop about women. I even saw some of the vultures in our apartment building swarm once my mom was out the picture, but the spring up with no prior info...I was not havin it. I couldn't even speak. What made matters worse, when we got to the reception, she knew the family by first name. I sure did give him a piece of my mind when I asked to speak with him 20 minutes into it. I never recalled us arguing, but I felt so played being the last to know and his response was, "who's the parent and who's the child? I don't owe you any explanation for what I do or who I do it with." Ooooh that stung! My reply was, "I can't stay here. Can I have the keys to the car so I can go home," which he kindly gave. I jetted uptown from the Hyatt on 42nd Street and cried my eyes out over quite a few shots of Absolut Vodka and conversation with my junior high homegirl Shanique.

Lots of memories like these flooded my mental when I started thinking about me and Pop. I had no idea that this story could open me up to such a happy place. They were always real times. Dad absolutely was the protector, but once mom died he kinda transitioned into friend. Always the consummate provider...I had a $200 allowance all four years of college while I had 2 work study jobs and no expenses. He was a fighter - stubborn as all get out too. But that was my Dude. What he represented to me in my life echos exactly what I got talking to these amazing athletes and their mothers. Sacrifice, unconditional love and a whole lot of support really lay the foundation in a child's life. I was so blessed to have it from both my folks. And that bond that I shared with my Dad was unbreakable. :)

Servitude...with a SMILE :)

BG loves the kids! I've always been connected to community service and particularly with young people. I really dug being a camp counselor during the summer of '90 at the Riverdale Neighborhood House. I was still having a good time after school volunteering throughout my high school years at Fieldston working with the kids and teens. When it came time for graduation, my gifted program, Albert G. Oliver Program (AGO) acknowledged my efforts during our recognition ceremony. I killed it with the hours, logging over 400 if I recall correctly.

Giving back transferred to college when I created programs on campus to fill a void for those of us interested in pursuing that entertainment path. I still maintained that servitude with Real Stories post-grad for about 3 years doing the panel discussion, organization thing with my girl Francois and our peeps Big O. Along the way though, people wanted to hear me speak, share my story or moderate a discussion. Here I am still growing and somebody asked me to drop gems to the young folk behind me...even my peers at times. Quite humbling to say the least, but as a result I have an ill speakers resume. Rocking the minds from 8 to 68, it's been a journey of humility to look out into a crowd of people and know that something you said has touched them, gave them a light bulb moment, or perhaps inspired them in some way.

Last week was a good week to serve. For the past 3 years my girl Sherise organized the Break Into The Music conference at her Alma-Mata North Carolina Central University. Sherise calls me her "mentor," which is a loaded term to me because for as much as she says I give to her, she equally gives to me...but I digress. She took care of all the accommodations last year when I moderated 2 panels on the biz, but this year was a completely different level. A lil deja vu' /T.R.O.Y. ("They Reminisce Over You" for all the Pete Rock/CL fans) when I stepped on campus. It was a different experience for many reasons this time around...(dot dot dot) Same accommodation deal but this time I was co-moderating a discussion on W.E.B. DuBois' Talented Tenth Theory. Resy paired me with writer, educator, activist Ed "Sweet Tea" Garnes from A-Town. The homie has his own social movement poppin off with his homeboy Sugar, Afros to Shelltoes about bridging the inter-generational gap. So needless to say, my orator skills had to pop off at a different level. I'm so used to using my creative right brain that shifting gears to academia was a lovely departure from the norm. On the dais that beautiful Wednesday afternoon in Durham:

Chuck Creekmur - CEO/Co-Founder, AllHipHop.com

Dr. Mark Anthony Neal - Prof. of Blk Popular Culture Dept AFAM Studies, Duke U.

Sakiya Sandifer - Author, CEO, We Think Movement

Christopher "Play" Martin - CEO, HP4 Digital Works; Artist in Residence, NCCU

Rev. Carl Kenny - Founding Pastor, Compassion Ministries

Kristal Moore - Black Feminist Activist Scholar; Doctoral Candidate/Instructor @ UNC Chapel Hill

Gayle Hurd - Event Planner, Ballen Media; Dir. Special Events, WNCU

Larisha Stone - NCCU Mass Communications Major

YahZarah - indy recording artist

Dr. Charmaine McKissick-Melton- Assoc. Prof English & Mass Communication, NCCU

Written in 1903, the theory basically explores the aesthetic that there will be an exceptional group of educated individuals (The Talented Tenth) who will propel the black race forward. Now I already said this was written at the turn of the 20th century...so when Ed and I discussed how we were going to dissect our flow, clearly there were some topics to unearth - gender, leadership, education, politics/economics, community...Did I mention we only had an hour, hour and a half max, to reel in the game.

As the discussion goes or rather went, we intro our talented panelists, dropped science on the theory itself and a lil knowledge on the good Dr. Dubois himself and then asked the question, "is the Talented Tenth theory relative in 2008?" Off to the races we went. Bobbing and weaving throughout our esteemed group, Ed and I created our own cultural aesthetic playing a cool game of pick up and post up down low on the proverbial college court. We rocked between dissecting applicable class dynamics (educated vs. trade skills) of the time and transcendence within the current socio-economic-politico structure of our world today. The B.N. Duke Auditorium connected with all of us. Heads nodded, applause escalated when gems were dropped, even a few reactionary "uh-huh," "amen," and "go head" were espoused for emphasis. I left feeling like I learned something...and I did!

Beyond getting hip to the theory itself, I felt like we engaged in a healthy dialogue beyond the rhetoric of the music. Real talk, the systematic approach of how we uplift our community, any community for that matter, begins with an individual taking responsibility for themselves. The finger pointing, circle jerk is so passe. Ed and I wrapped a taste on that prior to the panel with regard to what some perceived as the elitist perspective that DuBois represented. While he did call for the formally educated to take the lead, what he ultimately acknowledged is that we're all not going to do the formal education thing, but play your position. Dubois wraps the theory by saying -

"Education and work are the levers to uplift a people. Work alone will not do it
unless inspired by the right ideals and guided by intelligence. Education must
not simply teach work — it must teach Life. The Talented Tenth of the Negro race must be made leaders of thought and missionaries of culture among their people."

It felt like we didn't have nearly enough time to address everything. And the solution part of our dialogue wasn't going to resolve itself simply by that afternoon, but the challenge is to remain critical thinkers. Yeah, I was hype off the trip and the overall dialogue. I had stepped onto my old stomping ground at NYU's campus about 2 weeks prior thinking I needed to challenge myself more...Get my critical dissection on. Thanks again for the opp Resy...looking forward to FAMU and UCLA in 2009 :)

Saturday was fast approaching and so was my 4 hour commitment to Hip Hop 4 Life. Five years in existence, I sit on the Advisory Board and Host the radio show for the non-profit designed to empower youth to engage in a healthy lifestyle. I've given my time over the years participating in and moderating discussions for their signature, all female Shades of Beauty event. On Saturday morning I caught a ride down to the event with Sharon, one of my mentors, an industry veteran and my neighbor. :)

HH4L partnered with GirlsQuest for this Shades of Beauty event and it was wonderful. For their efforts, GirlsQuest is a non-profit that empowers young women from disadvantaged backgrounds. All these girls, ages 13 - 17, had as much to share with us as we did with them. The theme of the day RESPECT. The interactive dialogue began with us picking a song that represented the book we want to write about our life. Ironically enough, I've been tossing around the book idea since last year. Researching here and there....and I shared my song - Mary J. Blige inspired - simply My Life. That album and song made my entire sophomore year of college an introspective experience. I would wake up to it every morning...peep it again when you get a chance.

My GirlsQuest/HH4L highlight came with the simple gesture of a cut out - a heart and a star. The heart represented the co-sign. When a sista told a story or made a comment that we identified with or related to, you raise up the heart. When a sista sparked a new idea, uplift the star. Simple yet genius! The inspiration is in the details...the little ones at that.

I spent the day listening mostly. It's amazing to hear where young women are in their life, with their emotions and with their spirit. It's good and positive, good and deep. They need the same love and support I needed at their age. Shoot, the same love and support I desire to have now. Different yet relatable. We (me, Sharon, Nikki, Abiola, Rowthania) really just dropped some life jewels on the ladies as we supported one another through our sharing.

The HH4L executive team, Tanisha and Ianna, really moved us through the day with high energy and excitement. From conversations on hip hop to a demonstration from Chef Syncere about fun factoids on eating right and creating an atmosphere for a healthy lifestyle, I was so glad I got up early on this particular Saturday morning.

By the time we moved to lunch and created the poster boards of what beauty looked like to my girls, as exhibited through the pages of Essence, Shape and Vibe magazines, I saw each of their personalities shine though. My 3 young ladies repped the spectrum - one shy, one confident and mature and one vocal.

So we each group had an opp to present what their definition of beauty was. Amazing how these magazine images were transformed and articulated by these fierce young ladies. It took a second for a few to warm up, but most did. While we recognized the dynamic of a sacred space, by the end of our session at 3pm, even the most timid of young ladies represent beauty to the rest of us.

I am so thankful I was able to participate. I had to shoot to work right after the session ended, but it was time well spent. I not only look forward to the next opportunity to speak, I look forward to my next opp to share. It's slightly cliche, but I do remember seeing myself in those students at NCCU and those young women at HH4L/GirlsQuest. Fearless, bold, shy, confident, inquisitive, hungry, eyes wide open...its an amazing time to explore...And I continue to give thanks that I have something to share...just as so many have made deposits into my life on the journey!

Soul Plane...Thank You For NOT Smoking

Myself and some fellow collegues in edu-tain-ment were blessed with opportunity to impart our industry and book knowledge to the students at North Carolina Central University on Wednesday. More on that later...because the strangest thing happened on the way back from Durham.


So we're at RDU scheduled for our 740p flight on American. We get there in with enought time to scoop some light fare at the1 of the 5 spots that serve food before they close at 7p. We get's busy and get to the gate for our 710p board. We're delayed until 8p. Our time approaches as we begin the boarding process. Slightly intimidated by the small aircraft that barely seats 40 comfortably...where my six foot frame is forced to crouch down so as not to bump my head on the ceiling. We march single file down the aisle and take our seats. I'm in 6B, the window...which is probably about 12-18 feet away from the cockpit.




Collectively, me, Osa, Dove, Elle, J.Staten and Legendary don't necessarily make up a Soul Plane. Actually WE were the minority, except for the older brother in the second row...and Dove of course. She's our Teena Marie, except the only thing she doesn't do is sing! Strapped in we pull away from the gate and move about 40 feet when the pilot says we have to wait on the tar mat for traffic to clear at LGA, and he proceeds to turn off the engine. I immediately ask to no one in particular, "where's the entertainment? Does anyone have a comedy routine they want to try out?"

Now let me set the scene. While the plane was small, whispering really wasn't possible unless you spoke directly into your seatmates ear or passed notes. Our crew is pretty tired, yet slightly restless. I immediately ask our West Indian flight attendant for a coke with ice...I figured I would put my Bacardi White Silver 50ml bottle from my conference gift bag to use. Dove & Elle are "quietly" engaging in a verbal round of back and forth about feelings that seems to be pretty intense - or not. Legendary is reading a book about Tennis aesthetics, Osa is messing with her blackberry and Staten (2 rows back) has dozed off.

The 9pm hour approaches and as I'm reading my USA Today, I smell cigarette smoke. Having been raised by two smokers, and with the no smoking bans in most public places for the past 10 years, my nose is pretty senitized to the stench of the cancer sticks, especially a closet/bathroom smoker. "Ewww, you smell that?" I say to the crew. Osa thinks the Bacardi has kicked into my system. No one else really acknowledges, but I do see a few looks in my general direction from the other passengers and I keep in moving back to my paper...Time for another coke. I see the flight attendant look in my direction so I mouth the words "another Coke please." I'm pretty good at reading lips so she returns "I can't hear you." So I mouth it again and she mouths what she says again and then I SAY: "Another coke please," and the front of the plane looks and laughs. I guess everyone was in on the joke except me.

When she approaches with my coke and ice she says, "I was playing with you. You said you wanted entertainment!" We shared a laugh...and then the tide quickly turned. I hear Dove say, "And someone was smoking in the bathroom." Since I am sitting directly behind Dove I return her statement with, "ooh Dove, no snitchin...and you live in Harlem, the no snitch capital." Witty as she is, "F that, I have asthma." The flight attendant quickly scales the aisle toward the back with a firm look on her face. Then she swiftly moves toward the front and approaches 2 young ladies sitting in the bulkhead seats.

From the look on her face, something is about to go down. The flight attendant swiftly moves to the cockpit and a minute later we all hear the deep voice from above. "Well, as luck would have it, we're next for takeoff, but it looks like some people just can't follow the rules. So it looks like we're going to have to pull back to the gate and have the authorities handle this situation." No sooner did he say that and begin moving us back to the gate when we see police lights flashing on the tarmat. By the time we pulled up to the gate, RDU police was in full effect.





Everyone is a little more that frustrated at this point. We could have been on our way home by now. This two hour delay has turned into quite an adventure. The police enter the plane and the girls get up with their heads down and quickly deplane. Next thing we know, we hear Legendary chime in, "ooh, are those seats available? I need more leg room." Gotta love it.

The plane door closes and were about to taxi from the gate and get on the road. It's 10p now and we are beat down. Staten is ready for his Diet Coke, as he has been clutching his own 50mL bottle for quite a few minutes since the mayhem began. With the 1000+ flights that were cancelled on American Airlines this week, we're just happy ours wasn't one of them. Needless to say, we deplane at midnight and the older white gentleman who had quite the screwface until Elle started talking to him about highways in the Bronx, says to me as we exit, "thank you for being so entertaining." I laugh and say, we all need a good laugh sometimes.

Then our favorite West Indian exits and says, "those girls were on their way to Singapore. Well, they are on their way to jail now and they'll be fined $10,000." DAMN....all that for a nicotine fix!

When You Lose What You Love

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping... They will continue to grow stronger. -
Psalm 84:6-7 NLT


When you lose what you love you go through five stages:
(1) Denial - "No, it can't be happening."
(2) Anger - "God, why are You permitting this?"
(3) Bargaining - "Please make it go away."
(4) Depression - Silence and withdrawal.
(5) Acceptance - "Not my will but Yours be done."


Whether it's the loss of a child, a parent, a job, your health, a relationship, etc., when you turn to God He'll give you the grace to embrace it, grieve it, express it, release it, and go on to become stronger. Sometimes we seek quick relief by releasing it before we've gone through these stages. That's because we fear the process. We've been taught that any show of emotion is a show of weakness, so we stuff it. But we only stuff it into our emotional rubbish bin, then spend all our time and energy sitting on the lid, trying to keep the contents from spilling out. "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). It's knowing and embracing the truth, including its painful aspects, that sets you free. You must be willing to forgive. But until you come to grips with the enormity of your loss, including any injustice of what was done to you, you are not ready to forgive. When you rush to forgive, you forgive only in part and you're released only in part.


Are you running from pain today? Are you trading it in prematurely for some other feeling? That's not God's way. Jesus said, "You will weep and mourn… but [eventually] your grief will turn to joy… and no one will take [it] away" (John 16:20-22 NIV).

----
This really spoke to me for a variety of reasons when Patti sent it to me. I have dealt with loss - deeply. I consider myself to be an expert of sorts because of the magnitude of my grief. I have not met anyone who really was a kindred spirit to me -walked a mile in my shoes type. That's cool because I've never desired for anyone to feel the deep sense of pain and loss that I have felt anyway.

Needless to say, I am so in the thick of the wilderness right now and God is showing me His face in a very real way these days...Probably because I am healing in a new way. I couldn't be more scared and excited about the journey that I am on. I've recognized that not everyone is equip to roll with me let alone confront these parts within themselves. It's not easy by any means, but it is so very necessary. Hindsite is truly 20/20, but everything happens for a reason. But I know I am blessed and encouraged and that my breakthrough is right around the corner. So I'm taking it all in, observing the sites and putting me and God first.

Obedience is key...This faith walk is real....the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. :) Believe That!

T.O.M. Girls

Prayer changes...everything!

Fresh ta Def

So when my Dominican "stylist" told me, "mami, you need layers, the ends are dead," I was quite hesitant for her to whip out the scissors and begin snipping. For as long as I can remember, I have always desired to have long, flowy locks. For a time in college I sported the wet and wavy look...and that weave was wonderful I might add, but I've always desired to have my own hair reach these lengths.

With this new year came new beginnings in a myraid of ways for me...And I saw this pic of MJB that inspired me to just cut it all down and start fresh. Well needless to say that didn't happen. But when "the Dominicans" saw the need for me to get to cuttin, I figured why not. "Mami, you can keep your length, but relax, you have to trust me. It will look much better. You have alotta hair, it will be ok."
It's a little dark, afterall it was taken on Friday night, but when my girls saw me on Saturday afternoon, I was complimented on the totality of the new dew. The fullness, the color, the body and bounciness were on point...And it's not really "that short," but it definitely is short for me! I dig it and it looks healthy...like the me I'm stepping into :)

Meow......

This is a shout out to the feminine feline within me. In looking back over the years I have loved cats. Cat stationary for days since I was a youth that I found stashed away...and God just brings our deepest desires full circle.

These two four legged, furry felines above bring me so much joy. My oldest, Jello, is the big boy (12 lbs) in the back and he's 13. While my baby girl Nina (8 lbs) will be 4 years old in August. My vet has them both on a diet because they like to eat. They get it from their momma...so therefore this house is one where we watch our intake :)

Both my babies were given to me. Jello about 8 years ago and Nina at 6 weeks. Although they come from two different litters, these two are brother and sister indeed, and we are a family. It was just Jello and I for a while until my Fuzzy said that I needed to share. All this on his birthday. So Nina entered our life.

My kids represent very distinct aspects of my personality. Jello is my laid back, cool out, mello side. Jello is straight sleep and eat! Nina on the other hand represents the spaz, never quite comfortable, sometimes bold, sometimes fearful side within me. I used to laugh at pet owners who doted over their animals. That is until I had one of my own.

Jello and Nina have taught me a lot about unconditional love. I never thought I would spend three grand on emergency surgery for my pet when I myself didnt even have health insurance....But I did. I never saw a cat in heat either, but two B's in one house does not mesh well. Too much howling in the midnight hour...clearly there can only be one Queen BG, and off to the doctor Nina went.

Anyway, I just thought I would spread love about my loves! Meow.....

Cocktails & Conversation

Every few months me, Big C & CeeGee get together. These are my sistas in training. In 2006 we embarked on a 6 week ritual at 6am, three times per week called True Control Fitness in Harlem. All in all, we were in Boot Camp and our troop name was Pump It Up. Drills, drill sergeants, sir/ma'am, the whole nine. We endured and continued our teamwork mentality through out that summer.


Winter 06 was cold and then I got injured. My two Harlemites kept it moving off and on while I was rebuilding. Now it's two years later and I think we look pretty damn fly! We each have our own regimen now, but when we get together and chop it up, we still still laugh and talk about the same stuff we did on the track...Only these days its over a good bottle of wine :) Fabulousity indeed!

Friendship

Friend (n): 1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance (acquaint: to make familiar : cause to know firsthand) 2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group

As Merriam Webster defines the word above, I've been on an introspective journey to search the perimeters of my own definition as it applies to me and mine. Wondering if the saying people are in your life for a reason, season or lifetime is and should be applicable when it comes to your "friends."

Seems easy enough to make 'em...seems quite complex to keep 'em in some cases. Not everyone is equip with the goodies when the relationship gets tested...and they always do. Or perhaps we each come to the table with our own definition and therefore expectations, of how our friends should hold us down through the good, bad and the ugly.

I'm kinda starting to see people as they really are and not as I'd like them to be. That's been eye opening. Not projecting my expectations on folk and accepting exactly what they put forth has awakened me not only about them, but about me. I've learned that I am still learning...and that's ok. Growing pains are just that...but in the words of my all time fav group N.E., can you stand the rain?!

The characteristics of friendship as I see it and express it: communication, reciprocity, loyalty (although I do think the word itself is overdone and is really an extentsion of committment), acceptance, honesty, trust, authenticity and unconditional love (as truely defined in 1 Corinthians 13). My BFF's are the ride or die type of folk that not only give that to moi, but challenge me as well. We do that for each other. There is no checklist...Not sure if there ever has been because we just flow. I've desired that ease with all peeps I let in but that hasn't always been the case. I am slowly learning to accept that not everyone is equally as committed to me as I may be to them. Ain't that nothin! But I am also learning that the word "friend" is a loose term, and I am careful how I use it now.

The degree to which you let someone into your space - mental, emotional, physical, spiritual - is one that takes work. ALL relationships take work, and if you are the type of person who isn't committed to the process of investing your time, energy or resources guess what, it WON'T work. Duh! Seems simple enough. Yet I've wondered why I appear to be the one who is surprised when it isn't working?!

These past few months of my life have introduced me back to myself and reconnected me to the true qualities I really love about myself. And what I realized is that the qualities I love about myself, I bring that out of others. I'm treading so lightly these days in everything and with everyone because I got burned. My mom always said, "what you don't hear, you're going to feel." And am I ever feelin it! But I recover beautifully. I always have. I'm a survivor. I may be down, but NEVER count the kid out. Always been a thinker...some have dared to say I over-think, but I'm not hearing that. Empathy goes a long way when you are looking at someone else..it gives you a glimpse into the mirror if you open your eyes.

What about YOUR friends?! How do you roll?

It's GREAT to be Inspired

I wrote this piece at the height of personal inspiration in 2006. I presented it publicly only once and for my friend's wedding, then polietly stored it in my archives. I was pleasantly and quietly surprised and reminded last night that inspiration comes in many forms at unexpected times. :)


I AM LOVE
I've dreamt of you long before I knew you.
I've thought about you even before I saw your face.
Your warmth surrounded me and catapulted me to different heights and another place.

It was those little flurries that first occupied my every in between thought.
Those crush on you butterflies that kept me on my toes, shy, hoping I wouldn't get caught.
You were standing there smiling...
Eyes wide open to the possibilities
Unconditionally, you spoke of yourself
No judgements, no pretenses, just you...
There, observing the naturalness of existance.

We were naked in our essence
Exposed.
Barely knowing if what we were feeling was real because it was unlike anything we had ever known.

We had come together to explore.
We had been brought together for more...
More than this moment
More than this thought of
What if?
If we allowed fear to enter in, we may have never met.
If we had turned away, we would not have acknowledged what God has sent.
As an imperfect person, THIS is an unconditional commitment.

When...the sun rises across the water.
When...I see you smile again.
When...the cool night breeze brushes ever so gently across my face
I'll remember...

Staring at the moon, brightly lit in the sky
No need to ask why.
There are no more questions
There is no more doubt.
The stars are all aligned and on top of this hill that we mount
Up upon our dreams,
We look forward to the future.
We plan our lives together.
Knowing
Feeling
Believing
Desiring
To comprehend, to embrace, to receive...

ALL that you are
ALL that I am
I know
Because i believe that I can -
Step into this reality that feels so surreal.

One foot on the ground,
One hand outstretched toward the sky.
I don't look back, I look ahead
At a reflection of my heart in the mirror.
It couldn't be anymore clearer.
I know you
You know me
I sacrifice
We surrender

I AM LOVE

-Kimberly N. Cooper

It's Blogger Time

YAY for me...Symbollically I am cheering because this flick is poetic. It was taken at my homegirls book launch event and this is my same homegirl who pushed me to get my blog on - fo real!

"How are you going to be a writer without a blog?" Erika inquired of me...And when I didn't really have an answer, she heavily encouraged me to step my game up. "Myspace blogs don't cut it anymore." This was further confirmed by some young techies I was chopping it up with later on in that same week...So I signed up...and I'm about to get my write up!

My intro really says it all. This is all to the good...about the good, bad, indifferent and the like. It's gonna be a freestyle session for the true and focused individuals who dare to speak about it and be about IT! Are you such an individual?