Monday, September 28, 2009

A Penny For My (Wedding) Thoughts

Right after my last post one of my BFF's eloquently composed the following note:

"You sound as though you are putting a lot of pressure and stress on yourself.
Be weary of trying to match the expectations of a child with the realities of a
grown woman. While you have to go through the exercise of prioritizing all your
wants and desires, for this day and in general, don't forget to distinguish them
from the things you actually need. The love and support and wishes and
prayers of all your peeps will be with you no matter what the location, size,
cost or design of the day. None of these features will make the day last
longer than it would have, make your peeps love you more than they already do,
or make you and RK more man and wife. It will be beautiful to see you
and RK say "i do", and that will be the most important thing about all the
wedding planning for the rest of us attending. Don't lose the perspective is all
I'm trying to say. "

My BFF's are some of the dopest people in my world. I've had the unique blessing of having three BFF's and I've known them each between 15-20 years. They know where I've been, accept me as I am and gently invite me to grow. I think we've kind of done that for each of us in our unique, individual relationships. During this journey to "down the aisle," I've appreciated the stories, the jokes and the real talk moments that I've shared with them as they each offer such a unique and valued perspective based on how they view the world.

JP is my oldest friend, 20 years deep. So when she shares with me, I hear it in a very unique way. She's the only friend that had her own unique and very separate relationship with my folks. She wrote one of my recommendations that got me into college early decision. She is thoughtful, intelligent and hella direct. We've both witnessed the growth of our rough around the edges disposition smooth out with introspective sensitivity as we've gained wisdom and experience. JP has this unique way of clearly articulating her thoughts minus emotion, while simultaneously having those same thoughts be filled with so much love. Expectation and reality / needs vs. wants have fueled many of our conversations across the years since our conversations started in the 9th grade. Ironically, it's the energy she received from me on my last post (1st marriage/wedding post). It got me to thinking about what I do expect from my wedding day as I plan it.

I'm a marketer, and as my BFF of 16 years pointed out, my wedding day is not a brand marketing project I am working on. MJ is quite the poignant orator, whether he's performing, one or one or talking to his son, he listens intently before ever offering a solid word, but once I started talking about a logo and gobo for my ceremony, he chuckled in his special way and it forced me tp pump the breaks and listen to myself. He's known for years that I am steeped in the tradition of celebrating the big moments in our lives...hell, I convinced him to go to his senior prom on a 3 day college trip during the weekend we met. Nothing in my mind has been bigger than my wedding day, but to be clear, there probably won't be a corporate sponsor underwriting the festivities, so no branding needed. Got it.

Finally there's RW, the practical, sunshine flower child. She's a diva and simplistic all at the same time. We're 15 years in and once I started my wedding research, she calmed my frazzled nerves, purchased the wedding planning book JP gifted to me and offered to keep me in line...that is until 4 weeks ago when she got engaged. Two weeks into her engagement, "I get what you were saying now, and I can' be stressed, we're doing a destination wedding." Needless to say, RW is getting married in 6 months.

It's super dope to have real friends - and frends that are their own unique selves. Friends that offer you the most sincere and honest parts of themselves to bring that same quality out of you. Friends that challenge you, make you think and let you live all at the same time. As we all prepare to reach different plateaus and milestones in our lives, I definitely count my peeps in to offer me the exact support I need...and I don't even have to ask for it. Their anticipation game is fresh. Keeps me on my toes...and laughing. I'm blessed :)

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