A Penny For My (Wedding) Thoughts

Right after my last post one of my BFF's eloquently composed the following note:

"You sound as though you are putting a lot of pressure and stress on yourself.
Be weary of trying to match the expectations of a child with the realities of a
grown woman. While you have to go through the exercise of prioritizing all your
wants and desires, for this day and in general, don't forget to distinguish them
from the things you actually need. The love and support and wishes and
prayers of all your peeps will be with you no matter what the location, size,
cost or design of the day. None of these features will make the day last
longer than it would have, make your peeps love you more than they already do,
or make you and RK more man and wife. It will be beautiful to see you
and RK say "i do", and that will be the most important thing about all the
wedding planning for the rest of us attending. Don't lose the perspective is all
I'm trying to say. "

My BFF's are some of the dopest people in my world. I've had the unique blessing of having three BFF's and I've known them each between 15-20 years. They know where I've been, accept me as I am and gently invite me to grow. I think we've kind of done that for each of us in our unique, individual relationships. During this journey to "down the aisle," I've appreciated the stories, the jokes and the real talk moments that I've shared with them as they each offer such a unique and valued perspective based on how they view the world.

JP is my oldest friend, 20 years deep. So when she shares with me, I hear it in a very unique way. She's the only friend that had her own unique and very separate relationship with my folks. She wrote one of my recommendations that got me into college early decision. She is thoughtful, intelligent and hella direct. We've both witnessed the growth of our rough around the edges disposition smooth out with introspective sensitivity as we've gained wisdom and experience. JP has this unique way of clearly articulating her thoughts minus emotion, while simultaneously having those same thoughts be filled with so much love. Expectation and reality / needs vs. wants have fueled many of our conversations across the years since our conversations started in the 9th grade. Ironically, it's the energy she received from me on my last post (1st marriage/wedding post). It got me to thinking about what I do expect from my wedding day as I plan it.

I'm a marketer, and as my BFF of 16 years pointed out, my wedding day is not a brand marketing project I am working on. MJ is quite the poignant orator, whether he's performing, one or one or talking to his son, he listens intently before ever offering a solid word, but once I started talking about a logo and gobo for my ceremony, he chuckled in his special way and it forced me tp pump the breaks and listen to myself. He's known for years that I am steeped in the tradition of celebrating the big moments in our lives...hell, I convinced him to go to his senior prom on a 3 day college trip during the weekend we met. Nothing in my mind has been bigger than my wedding day, but to be clear, there probably won't be a corporate sponsor underwriting the festivities, so no branding needed. Got it.

Finally there's RW, the practical, sunshine flower child. She's a diva and simplistic all at the same time. We're 15 years in and once I started my wedding research, she calmed my frazzled nerves, purchased the wedding planning book JP gifted to me and offered to keep me in line...that is until 4 weeks ago when she got engaged. Two weeks into her engagement, "I get what you were saying now, and I can' be stressed, we're doing a destination wedding." Needless to say, RW is getting married in 6 months.

It's super dope to have real friends - and frends that are their own unique selves. Friends that offer you the most sincere and honest parts of themselves to bring that same quality out of you. Friends that challenge you, make you think and let you live all at the same time. As we all prepare to reach different plateaus and milestones in our lives, I definitely count my peeps in to offer me the exact support I need...and I don't even have to ask for it. Their anticipation game is fresh. Keeps me on my toes...and laughing. I'm blessed :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...

33 Things I've Learned

1. God's love is infinite and unconditional


2. You can't make someone love you...With people, love is a choice and an exercise in free will


3. When someone offers to show you who they truely are, believe them!


4. Getting your heart broken has been equivalent to the pain of experiencing the loss of a life


5. No one will ever replace your parents...and no one should


6. Feelings change...therefore your emotions shouldn't rule your life


7. Everybody needs therapy in one form or another


8. You cannot grow in isolation


9. The deepest wounds can be repaired with time, love, patience and communication


10. Absence makes the heart grow fonder...or more distant


11. The greatest obstacles we often face are the ones we create for ourselves


12. Getting out of your own way requires an honest talk with yourself, reconciling between your heart, your mind and your emotions


13. You CAN change the world one heart at a time


14. Favor aint always fair


15. Faith and obedience are the greatest tools in the shed


16. When you're surrounded by darkness, pray and fast until you see the light


17. I don't have to control everything...when things are beyond MY control, embrace change


18. You dont have to simply love the one you're with, you must love yourself completely FIRST


19. I will be "under construction" and "a work in progress" for the rest of my natural life


20. It's ok to just be...it's ok to just be ME


21. No matter how much weight I lose or gain, my heart still weighs the same


22. Time really does heal!


23. You can't pick your family, but you can choose when you want to deal with them!


24. My best friends are the dopest people I know


25. Laughter is so good for soul


26. Not everyone is capable of looking in the mirror, asking the hard questions and accepting the truths they find about themselves


27. It's a lot easier to let go then to make an investment and do the work!


28. Sometimes it's just less complicated to not say anything at all


29. There's always tomorrow


30. Fear and faith cannot occupy the same space!


31. Maintaning a healthy lifestyle requires dedication, obedience and sacrifice each and every day


32. To simply live life in expectancy!


33. Jesus died so we could live life to the fullest...this IS my year!

Great Relationships

I get the GOOD WORD every day, but sometimes it sticks out more than others...REAL TALK!

There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 NIV

Building great relationships takes time and energy. And you only discover how valuable such relationships are when they're tested. One author writes: "Contouring your heart to beat with another requires extensive whittling, to trim away self-centeredness. It's like riding the bus; if you're going to have company you must be willing to scoot over to accommodate other people and the baggage they bring. Your actions in doing this express the importance of the other person. One relationship becomes more valuable than others because of its ability to survive and endure realignments."

The qualities we value most in a friend are two-fold:
(1) The assurance that they won't bail out when the road gets rocky.
(2) The knowledge that our imperfections and scars won't change their level of commitment.

Solomon said, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). It's about quality, not quantity. That's why heart connections can be so much stronger than blood connections. Don't be too quick to discount someone's good qualities because they made a mistake, disappointed you or did something without thinking. You wouldn't haul your car to the junkyard because it had a faulty battery or a flat tire!

Love means risk, but the payoffs outweigh the investment. Behind every success story you'll find people who once felt so discouraged they wanted to quit, who fell and needed lifting when someone stepped in, picked them up and helped them to keep going. Life is not built on acquisitions and accomplishments, it's built on relationships. So keep yours in good shape!