Be Yourself!

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my
expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself."

-Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"

You Know You're an OG Female in Hip-Hop...

You Know You're an OG Female in Hip-Hop when......

• The Rock The Bells concert you attend at Jones Beach with your 30 something year old friends on a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon is highlighted with performances from rappers in the 90's
  
  

The "90's" seem like just yesterday instead of almost 20 years ago

Standing on a chair while waving your hands in the air like you just don't care, you suddenly realize you could fall...

Your favorite artists remember flirting with you as a young, fly, teenage honey dip

• Your favorite artists look at you now as a sexy grown woman who hasn't changed...and they still like to flirt

Your artist crushes are still the same and you get all excited when you see them becuase you still have a crush

You look at your artist crushes and ask them about their family (wives, wifeys, kids, momma and the rest) and they smile with love

You remember exactly WHERE you were, WHAT you were doing and WHO you were doing it with when you hear classic songs like "Incarcerated Scarfaces," "Da Rockwilder," "Me, Myself and I" and "Scenario (remix)"

• The smell of the oooh wee wafting in the air doesnt give you a contact high anymore

• Being a VIP means complimentary food and beverages...and that's the way you like it because you're grown accustomed to it

Press pass or not, you always do the "walk around" and see who you need to see

• You know all the words when the "special guests" spit their 16 bars and/or chorus to their hits

• You're updating the "status" on your Facebook page from your Blackberry Curve every few hours with varying levels of excitement and mobile photo uploads...and you realize your really not in the 90's anymore

Going to a hip hop concert no longer requires the standard hip-hop sneaker footwear and apparel...a platform, espadril, open toe wrap up shoe/sandal is quite appropriate...flip flops stay in the bag for the drive home

• Your watch your favorite hip-hop group, A Tribe Called Quest, reunite and perform for the first time in 10 years...and you view the entire set standing on stage left because clearly that's where their #1 fan belongs
  
  
  
  

Great Relationships

I get the GOOD WORD every day, but sometimes it sticks out more than others...REAL TALK!

There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 NIV

Building great relationships takes time and energy. And you only discover how valuable such relationships are when they're tested. One author writes: "Contouring your heart to beat with another requires extensive whittling, to trim away self-centeredness. It's like riding the bus; if you're going to have company you must be willing to scoot over to accommodate other people and the baggage they bring. Your actions in doing this express the importance of the other person. One relationship becomes more valuable than others because of its ability to survive and endure realignments."

The qualities we value most in a friend are two-fold:
(1) The assurance that they won't bail out when the road gets rocky.
(2) The knowledge that our imperfections and scars won't change their level of commitment.

Solomon said, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). It's about quality, not quantity. That's why heart connections can be so much stronger than blood connections. Don't be too quick to discount someone's good qualities because they made a mistake, disappointed you or did something without thinking. You wouldn't haul your car to the junkyard because it had a faulty battery or a flat tire!

Love means risk, but the payoffs outweigh the investment. Behind every success story you'll find people who once felt so discouraged they wanted to quit, who fell and needed lifting when someone stepped in, picked them up and helped them to keep going. Life is not built on acquisitions and accomplishments, it's built on relationships. So keep yours in good shape!

Real N**** Do Real Things...

Press Play....

It is absolutley silly and unproductive to have a funeral for the word nigga when the actions continue. We need to have a movement to resurrect brothers and sisters, not a funeral for niggas, cuz niggas dont die! -"Project Roach" f. The Last Poets

Writers on the Block

I can't believe I have not connected to home base for two months. It's not like I haven't had stuff to kick it about - seeing history in the making at my alma mater Wesleyan when Barack Obama spoke at graduation; catching Mint Condition, Usher and Laylah Hathaway live within one week; my 15 year high school reunion; The BET Awards in LA; The Bay Area debut of the break/s featuring Marc Bamuthi Joseph; Cat On A Hot Tin Roof; clocking it with the talk radio show I host on Columbia's WKCR-FM, HipHop4Life Radio; meeting my first celeb crush Malcolm Jamal Warner as an adult and telling him about the first time I met him at age 12- just a gang of stuff has been going on. Keep it real, a chick been busy and blessed.

I made some mental notations and took some written ones in my Blackberry Curve, but I really didn't make the full commitment to my Blog space with the stuff I've been experiencing and of course feeling...Been feeling hella inspired tho cuz I realized my writing is theraputic. To get it super focused, I was working on my latest Essence assignment for the Women in Power issue and had the opp to speak with this major power attorney. Condensing my hour long interview into 400 words was tight to say the least, but what killed it for me was during the interview Mrs. Esq. referenced her own research of me. In my hundreds of interviews never have I heard my interviewee make any reference to the schools I went to or the places I worked, especially having never met them. I was super flattered, gassed, pick the word. Either way, after chopping it up with Mrs. Esq., not only did she drop gems that I will personally keep in the arsenal, but she gave me the blessings with my own big vision.

I am a writer...I have a right to change the world and I WRITE to change the world...

I'm back...

Happy Mother's Day

Mommy

If I took the time to navigate through the process of my life, it is you that first brought me into existence
When I think about the woman that I am, the woman that I’ve become, it was you that helped me channel through all the resistance.
From first steps to first words,
From the first time to the first hurt, I can’t recall a time when you haven’t been there for me.
I was trippin the other day because I flashed back to the moment when I first heard you say you loved me.
I mean, not that hearing those words was anything new, but it was the way I felt more than anything.
I began to see….
The depth of your wisdom
The extent of your knowledge
The wealth of your experience
The complexity within your soul
The way that you express the dynamics of a situation so clearly, I know now that only my best interests were the true goal.
For real mommy, I didn’t mean to cause you too much drama during my teen years, you know how it goes…
Clearly that fight with Jasminee didn’t mean much. I mean we’re still friends after all these years and in the thick of the crunch.
(Laughing) How bout that time you told me you didn’t want me to see Ron. Cuz he was too thugged out, “not the right element,” you said he was how old? Oh no child, that is way too grown.
And oh yes, I remember when you caught me smoking the green stuff in my room with the girls. And coming back from the parties, headed straight to the toilet to hurl.
As I look into the mirror, I see so many parts of you.
My eyes, my skin, my smile-I know that I am beautiful.
I didn’t always feel this confident, walk this tall or hold my head up this high.
There were so many times I was challenged by the images in the mirror, the people around me and made excuses just to get by.
I recognized early, that as the matriarch of our family you had challenges that were uniquely you own.
I remember the times when Pop and you argued, and especially when he didn’t come home.
You always taught me that life was not always fair and do unto others as I would have them do unto me
Creeping up on 30 now, I finally see
Through the politics, the uneasiness that comes when you really get to know yourself
I mean truly exercising and freeing my spirit at the expense of everything else.
Where did all the time go, the years have breezed by so quickly.
From dreaming about my wedding day
To you being the grandma of a little ‘ol me.
Admittedly, you’ve always been my inspiration
Your style - my style, impeccable
You stand like a regal queen
Posture erect
And your walk…
With a grace and poise of confidence, yet a complete sense of mystique.
Your outer beauty always mirrored the inner beauty you possessed
And it’s like you always knew the answer even before the question was asked.
I’ve been feeling like I see so many things clearly now based upon everything that you taught me
You haven’t been here physically for a while but all the knowledge resides within –
My heart – beats with passion for the truth I seek
My soul – reigns with desire for honesty when I meet
Or encounter
My spirit – so innocent, yet so complex
Often it’s been challenging to discern where I fit in the best
It’s like I feel if you were here things would be – would’ve been so different.
Damn, the woman that I am is because of you – and you’re not even here to see it.
See me – see what could be – could’ve been – can be
Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by the dynamics within me.
Did you ever wonder who you really were or what God’s purpose was for you to be?
I feel as if life kind of stopped for you after you birthed me
Everything you did from that point forward, you had me in mind
When I think about it, it’s unreal how unconditional love really is when you have a child
You gave me life, an amazing example to follow
How truly blessed I am
Finally on the journey to master the art of being comfortable in my own skin
That ride has been long and arduous but it’s going to be well worth it in the end
God’s plan is continuously being revealed
In Him, I’ve found a true friend.
When you look down and see the fruits of your labor
I think I will make you and Daddy proud
I know that I am a reflection of you and all that a woman’s worth has allowed
Thank you mommy for being a superwoman all the years of your life
And for showing me a softer side of vulnerability, not just as my mother, but as a woman and a wife
I take those examples and wear them as medals of strength, honor and courage
With faith based determination you’ve empowered me with the tools to succeed
Lead
Be all that I can be
No one knows you like your mother
I love you mommy – always have – always will
Thanks for always listening.

-Kimberly N. Cooper

circa 2006

Heart of the City

My BFF Marc and I traveled around the country hip-hoppin to catch some of the illest performances in between studying prior to our college graduations. Every summer and during every break thereafter we rocked out in my Dad's Toyota Camry or his Mom's Mazda. We did Badu deep in Jersey. A Tribe Called Quest up and down the east coast. De La Soul, E-40, KRS-ONE, Busta, Red & Meth, Souls of Mischief, arenas, lounges, conventions and everyone/everything else in between.

Post grad, I returned to NYC and he headed west to The Bay. Clearly we always remained connected, but we never had an opp to attend a show together since the late 90's...until Hov & Mary breezed thru NYC this week for their sold out Heart of the City Tour...and no doubt while MJ was in town. Perfect. We kinda knew these were super hot tickets, but we kinda felt like what really made it fly was us reuniting like Peaches & Herb to rock out in NYC again.

So there we were at The Garden in our perfect Row A seats angled stage left, 2 sections up from the floor thanks to my always on point/on time friend/mentor BJ. Not too close, not too far, all in the mix. After the video interview of MJB and Jay rolled, they hit the stage together for "Can't Knock The Hustle." Dope intro. I didn't think they would one-two punch it but it worked for me.

We're diggin the super live instrumentation as MJB takes us all through the What's the 411 and My Life album hits back to back. Jay circles back to perform Biggie's part on the "Real Love" remix...We're amped. MJ and I are singing and dancing as the "All I Need" beat drops. "Meth really needs to be in the building for this," I say to MJ...Then Meth rolls out looking fresh like a million bucks. He has cleaned up so well since those 36 Chambers days, but I digress.

Mary mellows out and slides us through the mid to slow tempo joints...We feelin' it...and so are the thousands of other heads in the space...Mad call and response for all the records, not to mention the smell of libations wafting through the air. Me and MJ get our smiles and giggles on straight through the set singing right along with everyone favorite Queen of HipHop Soul. Mary drops a few gems for the ladies as she narrates from "Love No Limit" into "Feel Like A Woman."

"You should never feel like a golddigger when you're making a deposit into
somebody elses life. I want you to take that. Take
that!"

Okay Mary! True that on the woman's empowerment tip! We're way feelin it now...rememering the days these records dropped and where we were in our lives. What a special time kinda feeling like we grew up with Mary. MJ and I grew up together and apart on MJB. We always played the foreground and the background of our experiences with her music looming throughout in different ways.

By the time Hov takes the stage we're amped. You already know Jay's swagger is as laid back as his rhymes, but I damn near forgot about all the slick, hit records he has under his belt. A snafu in the plan lead to MJ's early departure from the show so I braved Jay dolo...although I'm never truely alone, ya dig! I completely rapped and rocked Hov straight through.

By the time he dropped that "Crazy in Love" beat and B appeared stage left I already knew it was about to go down. Sasha appeared in all her sexy, stilleto boots glory and sashayed across the stage in her all black ensemble complete with fitted blouse, shorty shorts and riding gloves. When she dropped it like it was hot to the beat center stage and then sashayed to Jay's side holding the Roc sign in the air, I was ready for a performance. Then she stepped hard off the stage not saying a word. I was done....From the "money over broads...F* Bush" visual reference a la "American Gangster," to the segue of a larger than life hard Obama visual, I enjoyed Jay's set...but I was ready for the exclusive after jumpoff that we had access to.

Met MJ at the corner of 25th and 6th and proceeded to the red carpet stylee at 40/40. Our heart/city charm braclet held the keys to the ignition. Clearly we were in the right place. It's always VIP when we roll. Remaining relatively below the radar all season, I was comin' out like Diana Ross this night. So as we waxed poetics and flicks over Bailey's/Ameretto mix for me and Vodka/Tonics for him, and we moved the crowd...Cuz DJ Cassidy had the crowd moving.

Let's keep it real, we're NYC private school kids. I went to Fieldston, Marc went to Dalton and Cassidy rocked at Riverdale Country...And both MJ and I did the higher learning thing at the college/university level. So as we both navigated through the crowd we found ourselves reconnecting with 'ol school homies and homettes throughout the night. Peep MJ's words on that!

I was super happy to be in the spotty with my BFF after a long hiatus of distance but it was also a good look to reconnect with industry peeps I haven't seen in a minute. FA-BO-LO-US always has love for BG. And BG always has love for Fab. Still waiting for him to drop that next album and take us back to the "Holla Back Young'n" Fab I came to love...but I know he can still "Make Me Better" once he gets the hot tracks.

I was all pink when my longtime crush stepped up to me to give me a big bear hug, smile and kiss....Like LONG TIME crush. Like, longtime crush that doesn't know he's my crush cuz we're so "cool." Like, longtime crush that had me cheezin' upon site...Ho hum....I resign myself to getting bold and doing the big reveal at some point, but that's so not me...So I just pointed him out to MJ for the umteenth time and continued to swirl around the establishment being Chatty Patty with the peoples. My coach was quietly turning into a pumpkin in the 1am hour...Shawty can't do it like she used to. Beside the fact we were about to do it all again the next day on yet another VIP boatride around the city courtesy of MJ's lil sister Joelle and Dr. Miracles. What a fabulous life full of love and happiness that I live. :)

No Justice, No Peace

When the "not guilty" verdict came down on Friday April 25th in the Sean Bell case, I was shocked but not really. Aquitted on all charges, I knew my black people would be tight about it, and rightfully so. I myself was saddened because yet another gross miscarriage of justice was served...on a platter.

The front page HED of Saturday's New York Times read Judge Acquits Detectives in 50-Shot Killing of Bell, and the DEK, Fatally Flawed Police Work, but Not Criminal. I didn't follow the nuances of the case on the day to day, but I knew the basics. I immediately called my Uncle Clifford. Both he and Pops were detectives. Pop with the Manhattan District Attorney's office and Uncle Cliffy most recently with the Queens D.A. I felt compelled to figure out why there is such a disparity between the men and women that are called to protect and serve and the black community. Beyond that, the 50 shots that were blasted off from the cops gun that killed Bell, left nothing to the imagination as far as "guilt" was concerned.

My Uncle said that Judge Cooperman was going to rule on the law and not emotion. So when I read part of Cooperman's decision in The NYT, "the officers responded to perceived criminal conduct; the unfortunate consequences of their conduct were tragic...Questions of carelessness and incompetence must be left to other forums..." Uncle Cliff was right, there was no emotion in the statement. Rather than calling the shooting justified, the judge said that the prosecution failed to prove it was unjustified, which was its burden. Ironically enough, the defendants decided against a trial by jury. How that choice was exercised and ultimately executed, I'm not sure... But for 50 shots to get fired, with 31 coming from Detective Michael Oliver, and for no one (Detectives Marc Cooper or Gescard Isnora) to get convicted with anything, seems a lil suspect...to a lot of people.

Clearly there was an outcry. Rightfully so. What I'm trying to understand is how this could happen and seemingly delve into how it positions the police in the eyes of the public. I usually take a somewhat apathetic stance when it comes to the police. With Pop being a cop I tend to find myself falling back into a mindset like "my Pop wouldn't have handled it like that." But talking to Uncle Cliff gave me some perspective. Absolutely there are always going to be some rotten apples in any bunch, but sometimes in those split second moments, cops spazz. They are human too. They put their life on the line everyday, and not that it should be an us against them mentality, but it can go down like that unfortunately.

All that to say...I'm praying for Nicole and her kids in the same way I'm praying for those officers. Their careers are smashed as they knew it, but really I pray that in their hearts they can forgive themselves for what happened. Healing is required on all fronts to move on, and it won't be easy, but it is necessary. I look forward to the day when we fear doesn't completely rule us in our psyche. I look forward to black men not being viewed as suspicious and targets while they do their thing on the day to day. I look forward to the day when justice and peace walk hand in hand...

Daddy's Little Girl

As a writer I take a lot of pride in listening to peoples stories. I can't front like I don't have some of my own, but when writer/authors Joan Morgan and Mitzi Miller called me to write a photo essay for this magazine they were working with, I knew I had to take the assignment. Our collective history together is long, and quietly deserves its own blog. I love how 6 degrees of separation is really like 2 or 3. Anyhoo, Sports and Entertainment Today Magazine (SET) is a new sports/lifestyle mag created by Danisha Rolle. All I know is, JM made contact and MM gave me the assignment - interview athletes and their mothers about their relationship. WHOA!

They say their is something special about that bond between mothers and sons. I've witnessed it myself with my said boyfriends and their mothers. I see it with my sister and my nephew, but I could never quite pinpoint what that thing was. I can't front like I'm heavy in the sports game either these days, but once I spoke to my five star, stunna football and b-ball players and their moms I was so inspired. I've been without my mom for almost 15 years now, so I anticipated I would be hella sappy about the whole endeavor. Quiet as it is kept, it got me to thinking about a few things. One, the blessing they have with their moms being present in their adulthood. Two, I was T.R.O.Ying my mom missing her, but thankful for the time we spent. And three, I started really getting a hardy laugh on that special bond between father and daughters.

I had to pause and scan the mental rolodex about me and my DUDE. He too went to his final resting place 10 years ago this year, but man we had some special connection that I really hadn't thought about for a good long while.

Gettin our dance on in Harlem

High School Graduation

Pop was always focused

My Pop was a man's man. Really stern, super funny and very straight no chaser. I had spent two weeks talking to these superstars and their moms about funny times and serious moments and it took me to a place where I started thinking about some of my own. Like how my Dad always did the food shopping and relied on me for the coupon cutting...especially when it was time to purchase those "monthly" utilities. I was embarrassed to make the purchase, so he always made it for me.

Always a little shy mixed with a little boldness, when I came home from a date with David in high school and Pop opened his bedroom door and saw us watching TV with our faces pressed together, I got called into the kitchen for a little talking to. I wonder if he ever knew about my visitors during the summer when mom was in the hospital and he was working weekends? I know he wasn't pleased when BK, Reggie and Rashid called after 12a asking to speak with me. "Dad, they're different." "Yea, I'll bet," was his response. "Tell them to call before your time or they don't have to call at all."

I was tickled a very bright pink when I recalled my first time I headed to the GYN for an appointment at 17. Who took me? Dad! Who was my doctor? The doctor that delivered me, Dr. Antonio Cavalli. Little did I know then that Dr. Cavalli was the "family doctor." I never recalled him looking super old, but I later found out he also delivered my mom and clearly was my grandma's GYN at that time. Pop made the appointment and waited in the lounge for me to go in and out. "Everything ok?" "Yes!" "Nuff said." Crazy!

I smirked when my pop called me out in college about the pictures he saw from a game called "smarties." You know those tastie candies that are as good as Pez. Well, always the photographer, I had Pop send me some photos I left at home on a weekend I visited. "Dad, could you pick these up from the shop and send them to me?" When I received the flicks in the mail, my Detective father kindly attached a note, "I understand you are a young woman now, but I don't send you to school to play these games. Love, Dad." I was always careful to eliminate evidence to incriminate myself, but clearly he deduced I was the someone who had to be taking the pics since it was on my camera!

Let's not even discuss how Pop shut me down with the silent treatment for a week when he picked me up from the airport on a weekend trip to Atlanta to visit my BFF Marc at the tender age of 19. "Hey Dad, we got tattoos," as I roll up my left arm sleeve and show him my branded, symbolic lady playing a G-clef...All to bear witness for my deep love of music and my commitment to the music business. His response, "what happens when you get older and you stop liking it?" My retort, "I won't." His response, silence!

Had to love it when at 16 I was pretty well developed physically, young in the face, but the body had a few grown men stuck on stupid! Pop and Uncle Raymond managed to get me and my Harlem School of the Arts homie LaToya, backstage passes to the hottest ticket in town, the Budwiser Superfest, where my fav BBD was performing along with After 7, Troop and Keith Sweat. I was my own paparazzi and my father couldn't care less...until someone gave me and my homegirl LaToya passes to Kilamanjaro's for the after party the next night. I must have BEGGED my folks to go. All I recall is my mom dressing me up and throwing some make up on as we headed to the club that night. My mom was my chaperon and I saw pop finagle with the bouncer outside, flash his badge and me, Latoya and our mom's were in the spot. I went to my first club with my mom, and my Dad was waiting outside in the car... When I look at the flicks from that night with me and Ronnie Devoe, D-Nice and LL Cool J, it's hella crazy how it went down.

I cringe at the time I met my pops new boo after my mom died. I was home from college for my Uncle Raymond's wedding. We were on our way, so I thought, when Pop said he had to make a stop to pick up his "girlfriend." I was fit to be tied. Tight couldn't even describe it. I swore I had asked my Pop about women. I even saw some of the vultures in our apartment building swarm once my mom was out the picture, but the spring up with no prior info...I was not havin it. I couldn't even speak. What made matters worse, when we got to the reception, she knew the family by first name. I sure did give him a piece of my mind when I asked to speak with him 20 minutes into it. I never recalled us arguing, but I felt so played being the last to know and his response was, "who's the parent and who's the child? I don't owe you any explanation for what I do or who I do it with." Ooooh that stung! My reply was, "I can't stay here. Can I have the keys to the car so I can go home," which he kindly gave. I jetted uptown from the Hyatt on 42nd Street and cried my eyes out over quite a few shots of Absolut Vodka and conversation with my junior high homegirl Shanique.

Lots of memories like these flooded my mental when I started thinking about me and Pop. I had no idea that this story could open me up to such a happy place. They were always real times. Dad absolutely was the protector, but once mom died he kinda transitioned into friend. Always the consummate provider...I had a $200 allowance all four years of college while I had 2 work study jobs and no expenses. He was a fighter - stubborn as all get out too. But that was my Dude. What he represented to me in my life echos exactly what I got talking to these amazing athletes and their mothers. Sacrifice, unconditional love and a whole lot of support really lay the foundation in a child's life. I was so blessed to have it from both my folks. And that bond that I shared with my Dad was unbreakable. :)

Servitude...with a SMILE :)

BG loves the kids! I've always been connected to community service and particularly with young people. I really dug being a camp counselor during the summer of '90 at the Riverdale Neighborhood House. I was still having a good time after school volunteering throughout my high school years at Fieldston working with the kids and teens. When it came time for graduation, my gifted program, Albert G. Oliver Program (AGO) acknowledged my efforts during our recognition ceremony. I killed it with the hours, logging over 400 if I recall correctly.

Giving back transferred to college when I created programs on campus to fill a void for those of us interested in pursuing that entertainment path. I still maintained that servitude with Real Stories post-grad for about 3 years doing the panel discussion, organization thing with my girl Francois and our peeps Big O. Along the way though, people wanted to hear me speak, share my story or moderate a discussion. Here I am still growing and somebody asked me to drop gems to the young folk behind me...even my peers at times. Quite humbling to say the least, but as a result I have an ill speakers resume. Rocking the minds from 8 to 68, it's been a journey of humility to look out into a crowd of people and know that something you said has touched them, gave them a light bulb moment, or perhaps inspired them in some way.

Last week was a good week to serve. For the past 3 years my girl Sherise organized the Break Into The Music conference at her Alma-Mata North Carolina Central University. Sherise calls me her "mentor," which is a loaded term to me because for as much as she says I give to her, she equally gives to me...but I digress. She took care of all the accommodations last year when I moderated 2 panels on the biz, but this year was a completely different level. A lil deja vu' /T.R.O.Y. ("They Reminisce Over You" for all the Pete Rock/CL fans) when I stepped on campus. It was a different experience for many reasons this time around...(dot dot dot) Same accommodation deal but this time I was co-moderating a discussion on W.E.B. DuBois' Talented Tenth Theory. Resy paired me with writer, educator, activist Ed "Sweet Tea" Garnes from A-Town. The homie has his own social movement poppin off with his homeboy Sugar, Afros to Shelltoes about bridging the inter-generational gap. So needless to say, my orator skills had to pop off at a different level. I'm so used to using my creative right brain that shifting gears to academia was a lovely departure from the norm. On the dais that beautiful Wednesday afternoon in Durham:

Chuck Creekmur - CEO/Co-Founder, AllHipHop.com

Dr. Mark Anthony Neal - Prof. of Blk Popular Culture Dept AFAM Studies, Duke U.

Sakiya Sandifer - Author, CEO, We Think Movement

Christopher "Play" Martin - CEO, HP4 Digital Works; Artist in Residence, NCCU

Rev. Carl Kenny - Founding Pastor, Compassion Ministries

Kristal Moore - Black Feminist Activist Scholar; Doctoral Candidate/Instructor @ UNC Chapel Hill

Gayle Hurd - Event Planner, Ballen Media; Dir. Special Events, WNCU

Larisha Stone - NCCU Mass Communications Major

YahZarah - indy recording artist

Dr. Charmaine McKissick-Melton- Assoc. Prof English & Mass Communication, NCCU

Written in 1903, the theory basically explores the aesthetic that there will be an exceptional group of educated individuals (The Talented Tenth) who will propel the black race forward. Now I already said this was written at the turn of the 20th century...so when Ed and I discussed how we were going to dissect our flow, clearly there were some topics to unearth - gender, leadership, education, politics/economics, community...Did I mention we only had an hour, hour and a half max, to reel in the game.

As the discussion goes or rather went, we intro our talented panelists, dropped science on the theory itself and a lil knowledge on the good Dr. Dubois himself and then asked the question, "is the Talented Tenth theory relative in 2008?" Off to the races we went. Bobbing and weaving throughout our esteemed group, Ed and I created our own cultural aesthetic playing a cool game of pick up and post up down low on the proverbial college court. We rocked between dissecting applicable class dynamics (educated vs. trade skills) of the time and transcendence within the current socio-economic-politico structure of our world today. The B.N. Duke Auditorium connected with all of us. Heads nodded, applause escalated when gems were dropped, even a few reactionary "uh-huh," "amen," and "go head" were espoused for emphasis. I left feeling like I learned something...and I did!

Beyond getting hip to the theory itself, I felt like we engaged in a healthy dialogue beyond the rhetoric of the music. Real talk, the systematic approach of how we uplift our community, any community for that matter, begins with an individual taking responsibility for themselves. The finger pointing, circle jerk is so passe. Ed and I wrapped a taste on that prior to the panel with regard to what some perceived as the elitist perspective that DuBois represented. While he did call for the formally educated to take the lead, what he ultimately acknowledged is that we're all not going to do the formal education thing, but play your position. Dubois wraps the theory by saying -

"Education and work are the levers to uplift a people. Work alone will not do it
unless inspired by the right ideals and guided by intelligence. Education must
not simply teach work — it must teach Life. The Talented Tenth of the Negro race must be made leaders of thought and missionaries of culture among their people."

It felt like we didn't have nearly enough time to address everything. And the solution part of our dialogue wasn't going to resolve itself simply by that afternoon, but the challenge is to remain critical thinkers. Yeah, I was hype off the trip and the overall dialogue. I had stepped onto my old stomping ground at NYU's campus about 2 weeks prior thinking I needed to challenge myself more...Get my critical dissection on. Thanks again for the opp Resy...looking forward to FAMU and UCLA in 2009 :)

Saturday was fast approaching and so was my 4 hour commitment to Hip Hop 4 Life. Five years in existence, I sit on the Advisory Board and Host the radio show for the non-profit designed to empower youth to engage in a healthy lifestyle. I've given my time over the years participating in and moderating discussions for their signature, all female Shades of Beauty event. On Saturday morning I caught a ride down to the event with Sharon, one of my mentors, an industry veteran and my neighbor. :)

HH4L partnered with GirlsQuest for this Shades of Beauty event and it was wonderful. For their efforts, GirlsQuest is a non-profit that empowers young women from disadvantaged backgrounds. All these girls, ages 13 - 17, had as much to share with us as we did with them. The theme of the day RESPECT. The interactive dialogue began with us picking a song that represented the book we want to write about our life. Ironically enough, I've been tossing around the book idea since last year. Researching here and there....and I shared my song - Mary J. Blige inspired - simply My Life. That album and song made my entire sophomore year of college an introspective experience. I would wake up to it every morning...peep it again when you get a chance.

My GirlsQuest/HH4L highlight came with the simple gesture of a cut out - a heart and a star. The heart represented the co-sign. When a sista told a story or made a comment that we identified with or related to, you raise up the heart. When a sista sparked a new idea, uplift the star. Simple yet genius! The inspiration is in the details...the little ones at that.

I spent the day listening mostly. It's amazing to hear where young women are in their life, with their emotions and with their spirit. It's good and positive, good and deep. They need the same love and support I needed at their age. Shoot, the same love and support I desire to have now. Different yet relatable. We (me, Sharon, Nikki, Abiola, Rowthania) really just dropped some life jewels on the ladies as we supported one another through our sharing.

The HH4L executive team, Tanisha and Ianna, really moved us through the day with high energy and excitement. From conversations on hip hop to a demonstration from Chef Syncere about fun factoids on eating right and creating an atmosphere for a healthy lifestyle, I was so glad I got up early on this particular Saturday morning.

By the time we moved to lunch and created the poster boards of what beauty looked like to my girls, as exhibited through the pages of Essence, Shape and Vibe magazines, I saw each of their personalities shine though. My 3 young ladies repped the spectrum - one shy, one confident and mature and one vocal.

So we each group had an opp to present what their definition of beauty was. Amazing how these magazine images were transformed and articulated by these fierce young ladies. It took a second for a few to warm up, but most did. While we recognized the dynamic of a sacred space, by the end of our session at 3pm, even the most timid of young ladies represent beauty to the rest of us.

I am so thankful I was able to participate. I had to shoot to work right after the session ended, but it was time well spent. I not only look forward to the next opportunity to speak, I look forward to my next opp to share. It's slightly cliche, but I do remember seeing myself in those students at NCCU and those young women at HH4L/GirlsQuest. Fearless, bold, shy, confident, inquisitive, hungry, eyes wide open...its an amazing time to explore...And I continue to give thanks that I have something to share...just as so many have made deposits into my life on the journey!

Soul Plane...Thank You For NOT Smoking

Myself and some fellow collegues in edu-tain-ment were blessed with opportunity to impart our industry and book knowledge to the students at North Carolina Central University on Wednesday. More on that later...because the strangest thing happened on the way back from Durham.


So we're at RDU scheduled for our 740p flight on American. We get there in with enought time to scoop some light fare at the1 of the 5 spots that serve food before they close at 7p. We get's busy and get to the gate for our 710p board. We're delayed until 8p. Our time approaches as we begin the boarding process. Slightly intimidated by the small aircraft that barely seats 40 comfortably...where my six foot frame is forced to crouch down so as not to bump my head on the ceiling. We march single file down the aisle and take our seats. I'm in 6B, the window...which is probably about 12-18 feet away from the cockpit.




Collectively, me, Osa, Dove, Elle, J.Staten and Legendary don't necessarily make up a Soul Plane. Actually WE were the minority, except for the older brother in the second row...and Dove of course. She's our Teena Marie, except the only thing she doesn't do is sing! Strapped in we pull away from the gate and move about 40 feet when the pilot says we have to wait on the tar mat for traffic to clear at LGA, and he proceeds to turn off the engine. I immediately ask to no one in particular, "where's the entertainment? Does anyone have a comedy routine they want to try out?"

Now let me set the scene. While the plane was small, whispering really wasn't possible unless you spoke directly into your seatmates ear or passed notes. Our crew is pretty tired, yet slightly restless. I immediately ask our West Indian flight attendant for a coke with ice...I figured I would put my Bacardi White Silver 50ml bottle from my conference gift bag to use. Dove & Elle are "quietly" engaging in a verbal round of back and forth about feelings that seems to be pretty intense - or not. Legendary is reading a book about Tennis aesthetics, Osa is messing with her blackberry and Staten (2 rows back) has dozed off.

The 9pm hour approaches and as I'm reading my USA Today, I smell cigarette smoke. Having been raised by two smokers, and with the no smoking bans in most public places for the past 10 years, my nose is pretty senitized to the stench of the cancer sticks, especially a closet/bathroom smoker. "Ewww, you smell that?" I say to the crew. Osa thinks the Bacardi has kicked into my system. No one else really acknowledges, but I do see a few looks in my general direction from the other passengers and I keep in moving back to my paper...Time for another coke. I see the flight attendant look in my direction so I mouth the words "another Coke please." I'm pretty good at reading lips so she returns "I can't hear you." So I mouth it again and she mouths what she says again and then I SAY: "Another coke please," and the front of the plane looks and laughs. I guess everyone was in on the joke except me.

When she approaches with my coke and ice she says, "I was playing with you. You said you wanted entertainment!" We shared a laugh...and then the tide quickly turned. I hear Dove say, "And someone was smoking in the bathroom." Since I am sitting directly behind Dove I return her statement with, "ooh Dove, no snitchin...and you live in Harlem, the no snitch capital." Witty as she is, "F that, I have asthma." The flight attendant quickly scales the aisle toward the back with a firm look on her face. Then she swiftly moves toward the front and approaches 2 young ladies sitting in the bulkhead seats.

From the look on her face, something is about to go down. The flight attendant swiftly moves to the cockpit and a minute later we all hear the deep voice from above. "Well, as luck would have it, we're next for takeoff, but it looks like some people just can't follow the rules. So it looks like we're going to have to pull back to the gate and have the authorities handle this situation." No sooner did he say that and begin moving us back to the gate when we see police lights flashing on the tarmat. By the time we pulled up to the gate, RDU police was in full effect.





Everyone is a little more that frustrated at this point. We could have been on our way home by now. This two hour delay has turned into quite an adventure. The police enter the plane and the girls get up with their heads down and quickly deplane. Next thing we know, we hear Legendary chime in, "ooh, are those seats available? I need more leg room." Gotta love it.

The plane door closes and were about to taxi from the gate and get on the road. It's 10p now and we are beat down. Staten is ready for his Diet Coke, as he has been clutching his own 50mL bottle for quite a few minutes since the mayhem began. With the 1000+ flights that were cancelled on American Airlines this week, we're just happy ours wasn't one of them. Needless to say, we deplane at midnight and the older white gentleman who had quite the screwface until Elle started talking to him about highways in the Bronx, says to me as we exit, "thank you for being so entertaining." I laugh and say, we all need a good laugh sometimes.

Then our favorite West Indian exits and says, "those girls were on their way to Singapore. Well, they are on their way to jail now and they'll be fined $10,000." DAMN....all that for a nicotine fix!

When You Lose What You Love

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping... They will continue to grow stronger. -
Psalm 84:6-7 NLT


When you lose what you love you go through five stages:
(1) Denial - "No, it can't be happening."
(2) Anger - "God, why are You permitting this?"
(3) Bargaining - "Please make it go away."
(4) Depression - Silence and withdrawal.
(5) Acceptance - "Not my will but Yours be done."


Whether it's the loss of a child, a parent, a job, your health, a relationship, etc., when you turn to God He'll give you the grace to embrace it, grieve it, express it, release it, and go on to become stronger. Sometimes we seek quick relief by releasing it before we've gone through these stages. That's because we fear the process. We've been taught that any show of emotion is a show of weakness, so we stuff it. But we only stuff it into our emotional rubbish bin, then spend all our time and energy sitting on the lid, trying to keep the contents from spilling out. "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). It's knowing and embracing the truth, including its painful aspects, that sets you free. You must be willing to forgive. But until you come to grips with the enormity of your loss, including any injustice of what was done to you, you are not ready to forgive. When you rush to forgive, you forgive only in part and you're released only in part.


Are you running from pain today? Are you trading it in prematurely for some other feeling? That's not God's way. Jesus said, "You will weep and mourn… but [eventually] your grief will turn to joy… and no one will take [it] away" (John 16:20-22 NIV).

----
This really spoke to me for a variety of reasons when Patti sent it to me. I have dealt with loss - deeply. I consider myself to be an expert of sorts because of the magnitude of my grief. I have not met anyone who really was a kindred spirit to me -walked a mile in my shoes type. That's cool because I've never desired for anyone to feel the deep sense of pain and loss that I have felt anyway.

Needless to say, I am so in the thick of the wilderness right now and God is showing me His face in a very real way these days...Probably because I am healing in a new way. I couldn't be more scared and excited about the journey that I am on. I've recognized that not everyone is equip to roll with me let alone confront these parts within themselves. It's not easy by any means, but it is so very necessary. Hindsite is truly 20/20, but everything happens for a reason. But I know I am blessed and encouraged and that my breakthrough is right around the corner. So I'm taking it all in, observing the sites and putting me and God first.

Obedience is key...This faith walk is real....the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. :) Believe That!

T.O.M. Girls

Prayer changes...everything!

Fresh ta Def

So when my Dominican "stylist" told me, "mami, you need layers, the ends are dead," I was quite hesitant for her to whip out the scissors and begin snipping. For as long as I can remember, I have always desired to have long, flowy locks. For a time in college I sported the wet and wavy look...and that weave was wonderful I might add, but I've always desired to have my own hair reach these lengths.

With this new year came new beginnings in a myraid of ways for me...And I saw this pic of MJB that inspired me to just cut it all down and start fresh. Well needless to say that didn't happen. But when "the Dominicans" saw the need for me to get to cuttin, I figured why not. "Mami, you can keep your length, but relax, you have to trust me. It will look much better. You have alotta hair, it will be ok."
It's a little dark, afterall it was taken on Friday night, but when my girls saw me on Saturday afternoon, I was complimented on the totality of the new dew. The fullness, the color, the body and bounciness were on point...And it's not really "that short," but it definitely is short for me! I dig it and it looks healthy...like the me I'm stepping into :)

Meow......

This is a shout out to the feminine feline within me. In looking back over the years I have loved cats. Cat stationary for days since I was a youth that I found stashed away...and God just brings our deepest desires full circle.

These two four legged, furry felines above bring me so much joy. My oldest, Jello, is the big boy (12 lbs) in the back and he's 13. While my baby girl Nina (8 lbs) will be 4 years old in August. My vet has them both on a diet because they like to eat. They get it from their momma...so therefore this house is one where we watch our intake :)

Both my babies were given to me. Jello about 8 years ago and Nina at 6 weeks. Although they come from two different litters, these two are brother and sister indeed, and we are a family. It was just Jello and I for a while until my Fuzzy said that I needed to share. All this on his birthday. So Nina entered our life.

My kids represent very distinct aspects of my personality. Jello is my laid back, cool out, mello side. Jello is straight sleep and eat! Nina on the other hand represents the spaz, never quite comfortable, sometimes bold, sometimes fearful side within me. I used to laugh at pet owners who doted over their animals. That is until I had one of my own.

Jello and Nina have taught me a lot about unconditional love. I never thought I would spend three grand on emergency surgery for my pet when I myself didnt even have health insurance....But I did. I never saw a cat in heat either, but two B's in one house does not mesh well. Too much howling in the midnight hour...clearly there can only be one Queen BG, and off to the doctor Nina went.

Anyway, I just thought I would spread love about my loves! Meow.....