"Letter To My Unborn Son"

photo: Pat Houston Photography

LETTER TO MY UNBORN SON

I knew a time would come when the love your father and I share would create a life.


A time where we would unselfishly seek to deposit the best of us into another being.


The irony of that time being now is - I have no idea who YOU will eventually become.



I want for you to know and develop your own relationship with our Father, his son Jesus and the Holy Spirit.


I want you to be smart, respectful and witty.


I desire for you to be introspective and transparent, but most of all accountable.


I want your character to reflect truth, integrity and authenticity.


Perhaps be a follower and observer, but only to grow into an independent thinker.


I pray that your legacy will be one of greatness.


A legacy that honors not only your father and I, but one that you will be unabashedly unafraid to create and live to the fullest for yourself.


I know you will have a full life filled with mountains high and valleys low.


And through it all, I will encourage you to walk by faith and not by sight.


I want a lot FOR you and FROM you


But I want these things BECAUSE of you.




Because the journey will be uniquely your own to make choices.


We'll be there to guide you, but we will let you fall.


It's so important that you learn early to live life on levels and arrive in stages.


Nothing is ever going to be handed to you, and the sooner we can teach you to appreciate all that life is and all that it isn't,


The sooner you will begin to lovingly embrace it for yourself.




That's the reason why your name is so special.


And it was chosen especially for you.


So that you never forget where you come from, or where you are going.


Cooper Moses-


A barrel maker


A leader


A KING




(Kimberly King - 3/16/11)

"Man Up"

Guns blazing, your masculinity feminizes me.
The depth of your voice
Reflects the enormity of your character.
You stand tall
Posture errect
As if all of the sun, moon and stars created this effect.
You found me
Somewhere between his broken promises
And your eyes
It was there that we witnessed vulnerability.

Implicitly stated you are
Son
Brother
Teacher
Educator
Father
Husband
Friend
Not necessarily in that order.
I am Daughter
You spit protection like comfort food
And I am well fed.
By your actions I am nourished,
With the mere thought of your ambition
My submission
Comes to fruition
Giving life force to the spirit that resides within you.

I see the depth of your heart
Scarred and marred by pain.
Life and death have
Managed
To
Damage
You
Yet not completely.
Your instinctual
Inhibitions to freely fly
Leave me speechless because my wings
Have not yet recovered
From the smothering
Of their covering in the spring.

I see you soaring
High above rooftops
Mountain peaks
Clouds above
Yet I feel numb.

As a dove
I've been in awe of your flaws.
Because your quiet acceptance leads me to accept you as you are
Which is far from perfect.
Just like me.
You confidently speak your peace
Keep it a lil street
As you consistently reach
For all that is within your grasp.
How can you have such an ability to make it last?
Prolonge the inevitable
That savoy edible
Connectedness that allows you to release.

You opened your arms like gateways to your heart
That was the start.
When I saw a glimmer of what you had to share.
I stared
Long and hard
Cause my P-O-V had me witness this same facade
Like a bodyguard
On someone elses frame.
The game
Was real good
Cause I was the only one who misunderstood.
That love language
Left me damaged.

But that was then
And this is now.
And damnit there's no way
And there's no how
When it comes to acknowledging your worth
That I'll let too much time pass
Before I decide
To finally
Man Up!

-July 29, 2008

I wrote this and only shared it with a fella I just started to date and contemplated taking it to the next level with. 

He eventually became my boyfriend, then my fiance, next my husband and is now the father of my first child.  It's been a blessed 3 years...and counting :) 

In The Womb

Amidst school girl crushes and grown woman facination beats a fluttering heart.

A life merely forming it's existence yet profoundly effecting my entire world.

With spirit and emotion intersecting at the epicenter of my cervix, I have life.

As seed turns to fetus, turns to baby

The days turn to weeks, turns to months, turns to a new realm of existence.

Trepidation meet hesitation.

Hesitation greet intimidation.

Intimidation, my name is Momma.

Maternal instincts kick into high gear as quiet fear resonates in my subconscious.

The who, what, where, why and how questions now have a frame of reference and a POV.

I immediately conclude that the lens upon which I view my world will forever be changed

As my body takes shape and form to develop another living, being inside.

KCK

Feb 27, 2011

Ms. New New

Been thinking alot about the amazing transitions happening in my life 6 months in to the new year.  It's pretty safe to say that with the support networks I have in place, this new chapter in my life will be full of exciting experiences.  That's not to say that I am not keenly aware that there won't be any challenges or mistteps, but I am clear that I am empowered to step up and step out with a new boldness and confidence.

Becoming Mrs. King has absolutely positioned me to open my heart, mind and spirit to embrace change.  There's still the remnants of the old girl still inside, but like I told the good doctor, I think there are parts of my personality that I need to accept.  While I still look to grow, there are these pieces of me that are inherently fabulous.  While not everyone "gets it," I'm learning that not everyone needs to get it or get me.  The reason, season, lifetime about people and relationships is pretty real still.  I definitely feel like marriage and the balance that RK provides in my life will inspire me to be a better me.  A stronger me.  A wiser me.  Perhaps a less guarded me.  I dig being transparent as a writer and orator, but in my personal relationships I still need to be discerning.  Been burned by folk who used me just because of my relationships or access to things.  Friendships have ended over disagreements I can no longer recall what the issue was.  Part of transition is just that, being able to embrace and accept it.  I am all about letting go and moving on.  Takes me a minute, but once I put the two fingers up - deuces player!

So here I am - embracing and accepting the change of newness.  With Souls of My Young Sisters being released tomorrow, I feel brand new as a writer.  Open to the possibilities that this experience is bringing into my life.  The new relationships I am forming.  The opportunites this will present.  The ideas that are being generated.  I look at these collection of stories as a an opportunity to share with other women who, like me, are honest enough with themselves to share the deepest parts of their very private thoughts and experiences.  It's so refreshing to just be - me.

My hustle has always been pretty aggressive.  Quietly encouraging others to be their best self.  I see the fruits of my prayers bearing fruit in many places.  Isn't that what life is all about, each one teach one?!  I'm excited about spending time with my family, even growing my family.  The next phase and next step of newness both personally and professionally.  Who's with me?  BG Unlimited...

Follow me on twitter too: @BGunlimited

Souls of My Young Sisters

For Immediate Release

Overcoming Fear and Finding Faith

Stories Told in New book Souls of My Young Sisters

New York, NY—For Kimberly Cooper King, her journey to embracing faith as the most important guide in her life has been a challenging one. She wasn’t raised in an overly religious way, but even from a young age, she could feel the power of spirituality in her life. Her mother called it “the vibes.” By her early twenties, though, Kimberly’s faith would be tested to its core.



Kimberly lost both of her parents to cancer by the time she was twenty-two years old. This devastating loss came coupled with the shocking revelation that her father had another child — an older sister she never knew she had. Despite the eventual comfort she found in her new sibling, Kimberly struggled with the loss of her parents. But as her professional life took off, she found herself more open to turning to God to help her through this difficult time.



Kimberly tells her story in Souls of My Young Sisters: (Souls of My Sisters, an imprint of Kensington Publishing; June, 2010; $15.00; trade paperback), written and edited by Dawn Marie Daniels and Candace Sandy with a foreword by Madeline Smalls and Mary J. Blige. She joins sixty contributors who all tell their true stories, sharing their private pain in the hopes that it will inspire other women during difficult times.



“God is in control, and He’s our source. When we focus our faith in Him, no matter what the circumstances or the situation, He will make apparent the steps to direct out path. You just have to believe,” Kimberly says. “It took a while, but I finally started to really believe God again. I knew He wouldn’t bring me this far to leave me. I really began to identify what it meant to diligently seek Him. There was a real desire and fire for Him. To be comforted by Him and to know Him was challenging and amazing at the same time. That was a very real experience that I believe we all deserve to enjoy, but you have to go there and dig deep.”



The women in these pages are survivors and have not even reached the age of thirty. If you are trying to figure out what’s next, headed to college, in the midst of a quarter-life crisis, or getting your career or family started, look to your sisters and their honest – sometimes heartbreaking – but, always encouraging real-life stories.



“These young women are powerful, and knowing the stories of other young women from around the world keeps you from feeling alone,” say Daniels and Sandy. “Our purpose is to give women the opportunity to be able to recognize themselves by reading about other women’s lives and gain the strength to move on and succeed as those have before them.”

Kimberly is a seasoned mass media professional with a proven track record as a writer, editor, copywriter, marketer, and producer across various communications platforms. In addition to being an Ambassador for Souls of My Young Sisters she owns BG Unlimited, Inc. Her work has been featured in Essence, Playbill, The Source, The Amsterdam News, NY, Scratch, and Honey magazines, among others. As a producer and brand strategist, she consults on integrated marketing executions with BET.

The authors, Dawn Marie Daniels and Candace Sandy, who have been friends since high school, enlisted the help of women between the ages of 18 to30 from United States, the Caribbean, and Africa. Sections of the book revolve around self-image, “I Had Enough,” “Why Does It Hurt so Bad?” “Why Am I Afraid?” “Am I My Mother?,” faith, decisions, careers, love, and death. Whether you’re dealing with issues of self-esteem, dating, domestic violence, cyber-stalking, or racial profiling, within these pages a diverse gathering of amazing women like yourself, from entrepreneurs to entertainers, have words of wisdom, inspiration, and practical information. Women of all backgrounds will find stories or issues they, or a loved one have confronted in their own lives.



This year marks the ten-year anniversary since the publication of the first volume of the national bestseller, Souls of My Sisters: Black Women Break Their Silence, tell Their Stories and Heal Their Spirits. We are honoring this release with a Souls of My Sisters conference on the island of St. Lucia, August 5 to 9, 2010.



About the Authors:

Dawn Marie Daniels has edited many New York Times bestselling books and has utilized her talents to ensure that African American projects get the attention they deserve.

Candace Sandy is the president of Candace Sandy Communications, a multimedia cooperative that targets women. For eleven years, she has also served as the communications director for Congressman Gregory W. Meeks (D-NY).



For a comprehensive list of upcoming Souls of My Sisters events, please visit our website at www.soulsofmysisters.com.



CONTACT:

Tiffany Dean  - Souls of My Sisters (212) 407-1581
Soulsofmysisters@gmail.com
119 West 40th Street, New York, NY 10018
T (212) 407-1581
F (212) 935-0699
www.kensingtonbooks.com

Ten Days Deep

I've been floating for the past 10 days since our wedding day.  Our day was magical, beautiful, refreshing and overall just blessed.  The energy that was present was ultra magnetic, and love was very much in the air.  I wasn't too sure that I could let go and be present to enjoy the moment as everyone suggested.  I knew I had to adhere to a schedule...the very detailed "Flow Doc" I created, but I tend to always want to micro manage my stuff.


I went to sleep in prayer and woke up cheerful and hungry,  I called my husband to be around 8a and he appeared to already be on the go.  The hours seemed to go by so slowly in the morning which could have easily been disguised as my anxiety.  I was ready for hair & make-up.  Ready for the arrival of my bridal party, ready to see the groomsmen in their tuxs, ready to hear our Pastor give a good word, ready to see how all of the pieces to the puzzle I had been placing together for months was finally going to come together. As the time ticked, the photographer and videographer arrived.  My godmother was right by my side to make sure everything was moving along.  I called my planner/cousin to check in.  Everything was just as it was supposed to be.


We were off schedule about 30minutes plus by the time I finished hair and make up so my picture plan at the hotel was kabashed.  :(  Guests had begun arriving when we pulled up to the Manor, but they were ready for us.  Dirt on the front of my dress distracted for a minute but we kept moving.  Pictures, cocktails, laughter, my girls and I were all excited.  They looked fab and so did I.  The guys were outside doing the same thing.  My godmother had not arrived.  Her mother took a spill down the stairs.  Slight moment of panic.  It was resolved, and then it was time to line up.  I couldn't hear my cue...the fountain was too loud.  I moved up with my godfather/uncle and it was showtime. Don't fall Kim, don't look down at the ground keep your eyes on Rod.  I can't see him over all these people.  Smile.  Don't cry and make the ugly face.  There he is :)


Once I saw Rod it made me smile big.  I could tell he thought I was beautiful. I could tell he was fighting the tears.  We were both overwhelmed with joy, happiness and love.  The best moment was when RK drank all the Communion wine and left me the suds.  HILARIOUS :)  By the time we lit our Unity Candle and Memorial Candles, I was so overwhelmed with the joy of the moment I could not believe how fast it was all happening. 


Pastor had such a focused look when he was delivering the message and vows to us that it didn't even matter that the sound system connected to his mic was janky. (It really did matter but I could not look away to tell them to CUT IT OFF). Pastor talked to us about our roles as husband and wife.  About our responsibilities to each other - RK as profit, priest and provider for our family.  Mine - acknowledging my power to support my husband with my words and in our home - I am to provide a safe space from the world in our home.  It was so amazing and intense.  Then it was over.  We paraded out and then it was time to sign the marriage license.  Our brother and sister signed as our witnesses and we are now officially Mr. & Mrs. King.


By that point I had no concept of time but I did witness everyone enjoying cocktail hour while the wedding party and I took LOTS of pictures.  I just remember feeling WOW, we did it!  By the time we were announced for the reception, everything had fallen into place.  The uplighting looked fabulous and our gobo (above) was an amazing surprise gift from our cousins.  Our DJ absolutely kept the room rocking and we had a blast.  I remember being present and enjoying our guests, the food, the atmosphere and each other.  Never mind that the timing for My Fair Wedding with David Tutera didn't work out.  Never mind that our venue, Westbury Manor, wouldn't even engage in a conversation with the producers for my participation in Four Weddings for an all expense paid honeymoon.  After that night, we knew we would have won...but never mind. :(  Everyone looked like and told us they enjoyed our day - from the ceremony to the reception to all the details in between.


While 4+1+5 = 10, in 2010, on our 10th day of marriage, I believe we are both still as excited, as committed, as connected as we were on our day.  The prayers, well wishes, blessings and support we have received is such an awesome thing.  We identify that we are as responsible for each other as we are to lead by example in our marriage.  The journey has just begun.  Join us for the ride.

Do I Do - THIS DAY

I've dreamed about THIS DAY, ever since I was a little girl.  My mom always talked to me about planning my wedding.  The mystique of growing up like a princess is a long way away from actually finding your prince and living happily ever after.  Suffice to say, I no longer have to wonder about a dream deferred.  The day is here.  The prince is actually a King.  And the happily ever after is a work in progress that I accept with open arms.

While I was dreaming about the day in my youth- what it would be like, how I would look, how the room would be decorated- I never quite got past the day itself.  I mean beyond the thousands of dollars you "invest" in your marriage ceremony and celebration, the reality is, the real investment comes after the day itself.

Been thinking about this long and hard for the past year and nine days since RK asked me to be his wife.  Pastor even said engagement is not about planning a wedding.  Engagement is to engage the mind, spirit and character of the individual you are looking to committ to.  My engagement stretched both me and my partner.  Our engagement almost felt at times like - "are we sure we need to be getting married...now...to each other?"  The trepidation I experienced pushed me to the edge of my seat and stretched me beyond my comfort zone.  We learned a lot about transparency, consistency, compromise and communication.  We learned even more about structure and peace.  And through the entire process there was God and there was love.

Never have I felt so strongly about being called toward another person.  Never have I fought myself (RK calls those Holy Wars In The Mental) to stand strong, like the survivor I am, and fight for love.  Fight for what I believe and learn to live with not getting my own way all the time.  YUK!  I can be a brat when I want to be.  But my man gets it.  He gets me, I get him and today we get to get each other.

For the past two months I have gone thru pain-staking details to make THIS DAY uniquely special for us.  As orphans, you don't necessarily think about your everyday life with someone else, particularly when you are as strong willed and determined as we are.  We've each gone through life in subconscious survival mode.  Career, family/friends and maybe a personal life.  On THIS DAY, I make a vow to a man who has shown me unconditional love and support.  I commit to being his accountability partner.  I decide that success is nothing unless you have someone you love to share it with.  I desire to continue to grow as a woman, now a wife and one day a mother.  I pray that we continue to seek God for His wisdom, understanding and guidance.  And I believe that this is only the beginning.

I have no idea what emotions I will feel within the next 24 hours, but I am confident that I will be present to receive them all.  THIS DAY was a dream that has become my reality and on THIS DAY I make a vow to myself to always keep dreaming.  I DO.

Confessions of a Talented Mind: Kimberly N. Cooper

A recent issue of Uptown Magazine published a Q&A with Precious Director Lee Daniels penned by Crystal McCrary Anthony.  Since I consider myself to be a creative and talented mind, I decided to answer the Q's myself.  :)

My current state of mind has me....
Slightly neurotic about my financial future.  Preparing to get married, paying for a wedding, planning for a family and managing a career as an entreprenuer has me at the perfect Libra imbalance.

The trait I most deplore in myself is....
My automatic negative disposition.  I see why it can't happen before I envision the possibilities of how it CAN.  Changing the mental tape takes me a minute and it's definitely a work in progress.

The living person I most admire is...
My best friend Marc Bamuthi Joseph for always following his dreams and heart to create his life.

My greatest extravagance is...
Jewelry.  I didn't realize how much I like diamonds until this year.

The quality I most like in a man is...
His ability to be responsible for his family.  That and his sense of humor.

I admire all qualities of women because...
We are the backbones of our families - emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

The word I most overuse is...
Fabulous!

My favorite writers are...
Elizabeth Gilbert & myself

The talent I'd like to have is...
Being skilled as a financial manager and planner. 

My favorite fictional hero is...
Wonder Woman

My favorite hero in real life is...
My mom because she was beautiful, poised and  patient.  Also my sister Charisse because dispite the life challenges out of her control, everything within her control is taken head on with passion and love. 

My greatest achievement is...
Seeking treatment for my grief and depression because it prepared me to heal a grieving heart to open it up and avail it to love (of myself and others) in a way I've never known.

I'd like to live...
To see my grandchildren.

My most treasured possession is...
My photos.  Taking pictures since I was 5 years old leads to a lifetime of memories.

The lowest depth of misery is...
Walking without faith.

The trait I most value in a friend is...
Honesty.

My favorite names are...
Rodney, Faith, Jello, Nina & King :)

I most dislike...
Lack of communication and structure.

My greatest regret is...
Don't really have those because everything happens for a reason.

I would like to die...
Peacefully

My motto -
Fear and faith cannot exist in the same space. 
Be Blessed, Be Encouraged & Be Inspired.

Countdown To Lockdown

Seriously - I'm getting married...in 75 days. I let go of the trepidation to drop 60 pounds a while ago, quickly realizing that my angst was a fast train to stress pounds either way. Besides the fact that once I found my dress, I was confident that my gorgeous factor was already up there :) I knew Spanx would be my friend on this faithful day as well because I would be PMSing anyway. TMI- sorry, it just it what it is!

Ironically, as I'm on the countdown to lock down, I'm reading Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Committed - A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage. Let me give you some context and a little back story. Liz is also the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller Eat Pray Love - One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India & Indonesia.

Holiday time 2007 I got my heart broken for the very first time in my 32 years of life. I've loved before - hard, but I was the one doing the disconnecting and heartbreaking. Dude and I had a love across thousands of miles. We met in Miami, he lived in Seattle and I in NY. For a year a four months, we traveled across the US enjoying life and falling in love for the first time - every time (so I thought). Suffice to say after he put us on "time out" and then finally said he was done, I went into a state of shock. I didn't see it coming - although I should have.


I started reading EPL at this time as if it was a text book to mending my broken heart. The underlines, sidebar notes and my own personal commentary are pretty hilarious to thumb through now. I'm a pretty intense chick and more introspective/reflective than most. So as Liz journeyed across the world to heal her broken heart, the words she streamed together made so much sense. Stuff like:

"I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that
everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen
in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man,
rather than with the man himself, and then I hung on to the relationship for a
long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own
greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

Yea, word...I was feeling Liz, and I found it wildly ironic that now that I'm on the road to marriage, I find myself traveling down the road again with Liz. That's right - after we ate and prayed, we found love again. Actually love found me and I seriously believe that the journey on the search for ourselves during healing provided the foundation for the space I now stand in. Clearly while in the darkness I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel - for many months. But hindsight is indeed 20/20 and I am where I am because of what I've gone through.

Enter Committed almost on cue.

Liz and Felipe are quite content being together forever and not married. Their respective divorces shocked their emotional systems. But once confronted with the prospect of involuntarily separating their union, the only other option in the United States is marriage. While this book takes a both a practical and an emotional approach toward marriage, I still find Liz confronting my deepest thoughts and fears.

The whole wedding thing is just that - a wedding, one day. When you get at it, and RK and I know this from our Pre-Marital classes, marriage is where the commitment comes into play. While I'm only half way through the book I have found myself walking through some points with RK. Really good and healthy discussions, and this one place in particular, Liz slight neurosis sparked a thought provoking dialogue between her and Felipe about their respective character flaws. The conclusion:

"If we are at all self-aware, we work hard to keep these more dicey aspects of
our nature under control, but they don't go away. Also good to note: If
Felipe has character flaws that he cannot change in himself, it would be unwise
of me to believe that I could change them on his behalf. Likewise in reverse, of
course. And some of the things that we cannot change about ourselves are
mirthless to behold. To be fully seen by somebody, then, and to be loved anyhow
- this is a human offering that can border on the miraculous."

Riiiight! So as RK prepare for what we believe will be the rest of our lives together, the consideration of acceptance reaches far beyond the scope of my understanding sometimes. This partnership that we are entering into speaks to issues of communication, finances, sex & fidelity, personal & professional choices, children, life and death. It's not for the weak.

One thing I have realized in between these 3 years and 2 books, that it is so easy to quit. To stay and work through and work it out, now that right there requires that you be committed. Never in my life have I challenged myself to push through my comfort zone the way I have now. I never thought I was a quitter, but when the kid is done, she's done. With RK, God challenges me to stay committed first to HIM and then to RK. The trick is you have to want to be committed. Ain't no half steppin with this thing here. Love is choice and love is patient - that 1 Corinthians 13 scripture is real. And here we are - a work in progress - 75 days until forever. I'm ready to be committed.

The 2010 Message - Procrastination

Tradition has always been a strong suit of mine - I'm a creature of tremendous habit. So it made perfect sense to send 2009 packing in true steeped and purposeful tradition, church. Most folk I know were prepared to usher the season out, and I was glad to do such with my future husband, my sister, my 6 year old nephew and my prayer sister/neighbor.

After the fabulous presentation of our ministry in 2009, praise and worship followed, and then came my anointed Pastor, Rev. Dr. A.R. Bernard. Everybody loves their pastor, but my Pastor is a teacher amongst many students, yet he still remains teachable. He teaches us that having a relationship with God is paramount to religious rituals. We are ambassadors for Christ in the culture because we can be in the world, but not of it.

Suffice to say we started talking about principles as they govern life and order as ordained by God. After all, God works according to patterns and principles. We went through an overview of the first few books in the Old Testament as an example of God's pattern for Israel's growth and development. The lesson: too often we want to enter the Promise Land without growing up, but in the Promise Land, it takes work to deal with giants.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness
through our knowldge of him who called us by his own glory and
goodness.

-2 Peter 1:3

Then we moved to Joshua 18:1-3 and Pastor asked the question - how long are you going to wait to take possession of the land God has already promised you? And then bam, he transitioned to the lesson: reasons why we procrastinate. But I must warn you, this involves an emotional, self-evaluation.

• The desire for attention --> not enough recognition in it for you

Fear --> of change (attitude; self esteem; self awareness; relationship); criticism; disappointing other people (dealing with your own character for people who have bought into your self image); failure; inadequecy; mistakes; rejection; the unknown (take you out of your comfort zone because you don't want to be stretched)

Feeling overwhelmed --> the mass gets bigger and the weight gets heavier

Indecisiveness --> you can't make decisions quickly and effectively

Lack of deadlines --> lack of information; not interested

Over commitment --> don't let your mouth burden your back; yes is yes and no is no

Resentment --> you are disappointed in what you have been given to do

Unclear goals --> the clearer the goal, the more you are like a magnet; with the goals you continue t put off what is necessary

Unpleasant task

Distraction --> you allow yourself to do something that is more pleasurable instead of what you don't like; reduces the anxiety as a temporary escape

We learned that procrastination is a symptom of some area of anxiety or stress in our lives. Procrastination will rob you of doing what you want to do and you will not change until you know why you are doing it. 2010 is the time for me and you to possess the land God has for us. Stop the excuses and face it straight on. The time is now!!

The Year of Completion

As I sit back and reflect on this year, it is with trepidation and mixed emotions that I am glad to see it come to a close. Some of the most amazing life changing elements took place in the span of these 12 months. Conversely, I've also encountered some of the most challenging trials that have tested my faith (again) and forced me to question myself and the choices I've made.

When I think of the goodness of God, I am amazed that after and through everything, He is always invested in my success. I sit back to look at the world around me and sometimes I forget just how blessed I am. There was continued self reflection and introspection this year. There was also a lot of closing of chapters. Put some situations and people on the shelf and I also put some people and situations on blast. By December, instead of "kill 'em with kindness," I was perfecting my stillness with "kill 'em with silence." I make no apologies for not being able to deal with everything simultaneously. I've learned to pause and take my time a lot more cause I'm not trying to be all things to all people. I'm just trying to be the best me God needs me to be.

The losses suffered this year of my mother's oldest brother as well as my mother's godmother, continued to place family in my front view. Over the past few years, family has definitely transitioned from my rear view to the peripheral. I found more time to establish and build firmer relationships with the relatives that are still standing - primarily with a few of my elders and a couple of cousins who fell off the grid. It was good to reconnect - but truth be told, the maintenance is real. It takes two to make a thing go right, so after the initial point of contact, both parties have to put in work. That is a work in progress itself.">

Happy Thanksgiving!!

34 Reasons to Be Thankful

As I turn one year older and one year wiser, I am reflecting on the journey. During my last season I posted "33 Things I've Learned." Transitioning from 32 to 33 was quite an introspective period of time for many reasons. From that season I have have blossomed in so many ways, hence, I am THANKFUL for...

1. God presenting me with a man who loves me unconditionally - who wants me to be his wife and the mother of his children. So glad I made the decision to "Man Up." Love you RK and can't wait to officially become KCK!



2. Good home training - yes and no thank you go a long way



3. Friendship with amazing individuals - the nucleus of keeping it real and humorous at the same time.



4. My sister, whom I don't always see eye to eye with but whom I'm glad we can challenge each other in our differences.



5. My big sister/friend/mentor for many years of wisdom and growth. Tough love has made our relationship stronger.



6. The soon to be in laws that show love to me in the same way they do to my fiancee. It's pretty fresh to have more family to grow with.



7. My godmother, who stepped right in after mommy and daddy passed and picked right up. Such a diva :)



8. My CCC family - Pastor and Minister O have planted spiritual seeds that will last a lifetime.



9. My TOM Girls - prayer has changed so many things in our lives...Here's to keeping it going whether near or far.



10. My trainer who is kicking my butt while telling me stories about England and his own struggles with maintaining a healthy lifestyle (so relatable).



11. Opportunities



12. The three men in my past adult relationships that forced me to grow emotionally and spiritually because they prepared me for the love of my life...(I pray the deposits I made in their lives helped them to mature as well).



13. My conversations with the good doctor have catapulted me to close chapters, unearth and work through emotions while setting goals in areas that I didn't know I had to.



14. Repairing and growing my relationships with my extended family - what a journey to healing and developing on new ground!



15. My four legged babies Jello & Nina have taught me so many lessons about myself. Mama loves and needs your presence...MEOW :)
    


16. Common sense and the ability to think from a macro approach and not a myopic perspective.



17. My BA degree- straight up! Graduating from college in 4 years didn't feel like a given at that time of my life, but I made it, and Dad lived to witness it.



18. BG Unlimited - God put it on my heart years ago and I'm finally accepting my responsibility to bring the multi-platform vision to pass



19. Resources



20. Gifts, talents and abilities



21. Memories too many to remember...too many to forget!



22. The power of the written word to shape, heal and transform



23. My Blackberry - gotta love messages and thoughts on the go



24. Hair accessories - OMG - pony tails, wigs...I heart being able to flip my look



25. Experience - beyond it being a good teacher, it's one heck of a prop to boost confidence



26. Laughter



27. The color of the sky at sunrise and sunset



28. Grey's Anatomy



29. The lessons I've learned along the way...it's the little things



30. Houston's spinach dip - satisfies my cheese fetish and my green veggie requirement :)



31. New York - so much to do...so much to love



32. Faith



33. My car - exactly what I envisioned, blessed and manifested in the right season



34. Love expressed unconditionally, selflessly and unlimited

**And my wish for my 35th - To continue to grow and strengthen my relationship with God, knowing and understanding His word while exhibiting His spirit in everything I do...a journey of patience, dedication and consistency. **

Bridal Bootcamp - (Thoughts on the road to a healthy lifestyle)

I've always struggled with my weight. Ever since I was a little girl, I remember being a big girl. While I was taller than all of my peers, including the guys, I also weighed more. I always felt different as a result of it. As mom instilled a confident sense of self esteem for my unique look, and she was equally aggressive with keeping me mindful of my figure.

I've tried many a diet and extreme measure to keep my weight down. I've ballooned up and I've slimmed down. The yo yo weight has been as consistent as I have been inconsistent with effectively managing my weight.

So here I am...about to get married and the scale has not been my friend. Somehow the road to falling in love added on some "love" handles. RK loves me just the same, but he is keenly aware that I desire to glide down the aisle toward him. Perhaps float is a better word. Either way, my fab fiance took the initiative to sign us up for a gym. Actually, to be clear, he signed us up to become members of one of NYC's most popular "sports clubs," - Reebok.

The 6 floors include a basketball court, outdoor track, mind/body spa, rock climbing wall, cafe and rooftop deck are just a few of the offerings. Never mind the pool, steam room and whirlpool. I've lived across the street from a gym my entire life and found it challenging to motivate to walk across. The motivation factor was never there. There's just something about paying your hard earned money for something that makes you appreciate it more. At least for me.

I was wildly intimidated when I received the tour. Like severely overwhelmed. The thought of incorporating this into my lifestyle was like...drastic. None the less, I have a wedding dress to get fitted for. Beyond that, the ramifications of not incorporating some level of activity back into my lifestyle was not an option. I feel off from the neighborhood boot camp and the African dance classes at Alvin Ailey...so here I am at the "gym."

After my first few attempts going on my own, I quickly realized I needed a routine to develop some consistency. RK is good playing BBall for his total body workout, but the girl needs more. Two complementary private training sessions came with our membership and I quickly fell in line. By the end of my first session with Stewart from England, I was convinced I needed this level of discipline and commitment in my life. I sacrificed the dollars because this made lots of sense to get me going.

Never went to the gym with regularity. Actually never belonged to a gym and definitely have never had a personal trainer. So I told Stew these 30 sessions have to count because I have some serious goals. He confidently said "no problem, we'll get there." So here I am, 7 sessions in and feeling beat down. I meet Stew twice a week and attend classes twice a week. Four days I didn't think was too bad for someone who wasn't doing anything consistently. So now I'm actually trying to turn it up a notch. It's a slow turn, but this week I kicked butt.

All my peeps keep telling me it takes time as I say, "I still don't love it." If I miss church I'm upset because I need the Word. If I miss the gym, eh, I'm good. It makes me laugh because I really want to be excited about this healthy lifestyle maintenance. I'm giving myself the time, but I'm steadily applying pressure :)

My BDay is in a few weeks and I am fully aware these pounds don't fall off in the 30's like they did in the 20's. But I will absolutely keep trying to renew my mindset. The Bible says you can't pour new wine into old wine skins. I equate that to mean, as I prepare to embark on this next phase of my life, I cannot continue to do the same 'ol as I move to the new-new. Suffice to say, it's a journey, but uber excited RK and I are mindful it takes time and we're doing it together.

A Penny For My (Wedding) Thoughts

Right after my last post one of my BFF's eloquently composed the following note:

"You sound as though you are putting a lot of pressure and stress on yourself.
Be weary of trying to match the expectations of a child with the realities of a
grown woman. While you have to go through the exercise of prioritizing all your
wants and desires, for this day and in general, don't forget to distinguish them
from the things you actually need. The love and support and wishes and
prayers of all your peeps will be with you no matter what the location, size,
cost or design of the day. None of these features will make the day last
longer than it would have, make your peeps love you more than they already do,
or make you and RK more man and wife. It will be beautiful to see you
and RK say "i do", and that will be the most important thing about all the
wedding planning for the rest of us attending. Don't lose the perspective is all
I'm trying to say. "

My BFF's are some of the dopest people in my world. I've had the unique blessing of having three BFF's and I've known them each between 15-20 years. They know where I've been, accept me as I am and gently invite me to grow. I think we've kind of done that for each of us in our unique, individual relationships. During this journey to "down the aisle," I've appreciated the stories, the jokes and the real talk moments that I've shared with them as they each offer such a unique and valued perspective based on how they view the world.

JP is my oldest friend, 20 years deep. So when she shares with me, I hear it in a very unique way. She's the only friend that had her own unique and very separate relationship with my folks. She wrote one of my recommendations that got me into college early decision. She is thoughtful, intelligent and hella direct. We've both witnessed the growth of our rough around the edges disposition smooth out with introspective sensitivity as we've gained wisdom and experience. JP has this unique way of clearly articulating her thoughts minus emotion, while simultaneously having those same thoughts be filled with so much love. Expectation and reality / needs vs. wants have fueled many of our conversations across the years since our conversations started in the 9th grade. Ironically, it's the energy she received from me on my last post (1st marriage/wedding post). It got me to thinking about what I do expect from my wedding day as I plan it.

I'm a marketer, and as my BFF of 16 years pointed out, my wedding day is not a brand marketing project I am working on. MJ is quite the poignant orator, whether he's performing, one or one or talking to his son, he listens intently before ever offering a solid word, but once I started talking about a logo and gobo for my ceremony, he chuckled in his special way and it forced me tp pump the breaks and listen to myself. He's known for years that I am steeped in the tradition of celebrating the big moments in our lives...hell, I convinced him to go to his senior prom on a 3 day college trip during the weekend we met. Nothing in my mind has been bigger than my wedding day, but to be clear, there probably won't be a corporate sponsor underwriting the festivities, so no branding needed. Got it.

Finally there's RW, the practical, sunshine flower child. She's a diva and simplistic all at the same time. We're 15 years in and once I started my wedding research, she calmed my frazzled nerves, purchased the wedding planning book JP gifted to me and offered to keep me in line...that is until 4 weeks ago when she got engaged. Two weeks into her engagement, "I get what you were saying now, and I can' be stressed, we're doing a destination wedding." Needless to say, RW is getting married in 6 months.

It's super dope to have real friends - and frends that are their own unique selves. Friends that offer you the most sincere and honest parts of themselves to bring that same quality out of you. Friends that challenge you, make you think and let you live all at the same time. As we all prepare to reach different plateaus and milestones in our lives, I definitely count my peeps in to offer me the exact support I need...and I don't even have to ask for it. Their anticipation game is fresh. Keeps me on my toes...and laughing. I'm blessed :)